The Howell Family

Eleven Weeks

2012-01-27T17:30:00.000-08:00

Of course Ivy's "eleven" milestones will be important, right?

Today she is ELEVEN weeks. Where does the time go?!

Snow Days

2012-01-17T11:36:00.001-08:00

I didn't think we'd get snow this year.
So happy to be wrong!

But maybe 1 big storm is enough for me!

What 10 years will do

2012-01-12T20:43:00.000-08:00

10 years ago, this was me and my baby girl.
Lydia was colicky, only nursed to sleep, and stressed us out.
I thought grocery shopping was tricky.
She was a CHUNK... a 95th percentile + kinda gal.
Multiple strangers commented on her future in football.
I cried over her VSD heart condition.
And then learned it was all going to be okay.
I literally watched her grow and meet milestones.
I never considered what would happens if she didn't.
Most diapers still had sticky tabs.
The re-positionable ones were just coming out.
There wasn't squirty baby food.
It was the era of Baby Einstein.
Infant carseats had just "3 point" harnesses.
I'd never known anyone who did newborn photos
(except in the mall studios, maybe)
My dad had recently gotten a digital camera,
but all our photos were on rolls of film.
We lived in a little 1 bedroom apartment...
on the wrong side of Austin, Texas.
I felt totally occupied by this blue-eyed baby.
But boy, did we love her!

TEN years later...

Shopping with a fussy baby is no problem!
Heck, taking 2 or 3 kids to Costco isn't so bad!
Babies are supposed to be rear facing forever.
We've been to the ER lots of times.
And that's STILL really scary! :)
No one believes in Baby Einstein anymore.
But it's all about organic and allergies.
We have oodles of digital baby pictures.
I am relieved when she hits a developmental milestone.
There are 6 people who love this little one -
they hold her, tell her stories, sing her lullabies
so I can make dinner, give baths, brush teeth,
wash the dishes, run on the treadmill and shower.
Life is not all about Ivy!
Still, I feel like life has slowed down with a baby around.
It feels like taking a break to feed or change her.
I think I'm calmer and happier.
Ivy seems so easy to please, so straight forward.
Pre-teens? Now that's complicated stuff.
I can't even believe how much has changed in 10 years!

These sisters are 10 years apart.
It kinda blows my mind....
Lydia will be driving before Ivy starts kindergarten.
Lydia will be in college when Ivy is baptized.
They won't ever be playmates.
Lydia will be the sweet older sister who takes care of Ivy.
Ivy will admire Lydia, who'll always seem like a grown up to her.

Now that I've seen how incredibly fast kids grow,
I realize how soon we'll hit those milestones.

10 years from now?

Lydia could be ENGAGED.
I was at that age.

(YIKES!!!)

2011 in a nutshell

2012-01-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

I keep meaning to blog, to edit pictures - or even get them off the camera once in a while. And it's easier said than done. Sometimes I guess I think so much about the adornments, I forget why I even have a blog. I think it's to have a place to write. I know it's a way for family who lives far away to have a better connection with our every day, to see our kids grow up a little. Sometimes it's worth reading, even if you aren't actually related to me. :)

I'm in a reflective mood, a "don't forget all the details" sort of feeling. Here's what I don't want to forget about 2011 - in no particular order because that would make this seem too hard and then I'll just give up. Maybe a picture or two thrown in for good measure. Or not.

I spent almost the entire year pregnant with this baby girl. Miss Ivy, as Carver calls her. That's significant and I probably won't forget. But the details: Carver's sweet kisses on her forehead, when the kids go over and make her smile. Her funny fluffy hair and how she'd accidentally grab onto a big handful and then scream because it hurt and she didn't know how to make it stop. How great it is to have REAL helpers this time around, how great it is not to have a 2 year old this time. I absolutely love having a baby again, so much more than I anticipated.

I ran a couple races, even pregnant. I am a very lucky girl and one of my best running partners was also expecting a baby and we got to spiral downward together. I don't know if I could've handled it without her! I'm really excited to be running again, even though it's slow.

I made the hard decision to stop all private therapies once Carver started kindergarten. We'd done both speech and OT all summer and it was time to slow down and refocus. I believe that they helped, but I also believe that this is what we needed for our family. I prayed and felt so peaceful when I quit. I don't want to forget that.

I've needed a lot of help at church so Derek can be in the bishopric and I can be Primary chorister. Add 4 kids and a newborn and you can imagine the Howell Family Circus on Sundays lately. It's hard and humbling to need help, but I'm learning that people really want to serve and I'm trying hard to remember that they are blessed and I don't have to pay them back myself!

Speaking of, I accepted a very scary calling this year, survived the Primary sacrament program and many regular Sundays. I am pretty sure that this calling is one of those that's for my personal growth and not because I have a lot to offer yet. But I'm sure trying!

Grace is in preschool now, precocious and pretty and really growing up. Dramatic and silly at times and definitely intent on keeping her brother in line. She colors pictures like crazy and tapes them on the walls in her room herself. She wears CRAZY things and loves everything girly.

Ellie was baptized this year. She is full of energy and enthusiasm, drama and sillies. Those brown eyed girls have a lot in common! She loves to read to Carver and Grace and to organize their play. She eats apples like they are going out of style - all varieties. She doesn't mind holes in her jeans and likes to have an elastic on her wrist just in case.

I learned how to curl hair from my cousins last week. I seriously needed lessons. (But I know a whole lot about natural curls!) Now if I just had time to practice my new skills.... :)

Lydia is in that transition between little girl and young woman. It's not an easy place to be, but she's growing up beautifully. She's learning to work hard at school and on the piano. She's goal oriented like her mamma and equally hard on herself. It's frightening to see yourself in your children and wonder how you'll help them when you haven't got yourself figured out yet! Lydia is reliable and absent minded at the same time. Fortunately she's reliable about things that matter and a little forgetful on the details. She still reads like crazy and has multiple journals and notebooks for writing. Lydia does not like holes in her jeans and refuses to wear skinny jeans. She can cook quesadillas and scrambled eggs by herself!

And then there's Carver! Oh, boy. A bottomless pit of needs and attention. An amazingly cheerful morning person. A willing helper, a very careful big brother to Ivy. He is like 4 kids in and of himself. Sensitive and busy, impulsive and observant. He is a KINDERGARTENER!! And his first wiggly tooth is hanging by a thread. He loves emergency vehicles and worries like crazy when we see one in action. He blew a little party horn the other day and scared himself with the sound. So he did it again. :)

We tiled 2 bathrooms, went camping, played with cousins and grandparents, rode bikes and took lots and lots of Sunday walks.

Things I've learned = It's not that crazy to have 5 kids in a 3 bedroom house. A little crazy, but totally do-able. I do better with more sleep, I feel better when I get outside to exercise, I can't explain why I'm not reading at ALL right now but it's okay, I'm so happy with the simpler schedule that a newborn demands. I'm afraid of hanging pictures and starting crafty things for fear they won't turn out. Is there a phobia for that?

So now we'll just pretend I'm all caught up and move on into 2012 with a clear conscience!

One month

2011-12-22T08:45:00.000-08:00

I just love having a newborn again.

Don't you love the scrunched up legs and fluffly hair?

And in the 2 weeks since these pictures, she's started to stretch out more and lose some of that "newness." It's sad, but also exciting because we can't wait to get to know who this little sweetie is going to grow up to be!

More Ivy

2011-11-23T13:05:00.000-08:00

Just a few more pictures of Ivy...

Her hair only stays curly for a few minutes after her bath, but here's the proof that it curls at all! I am so curious to see happens when her hair really grows in. I'm crossing my fingers for curls!

And I've been asked who she looks most like and I think that she looks like Grace. So here's a couple pics of Grace as a newborn for comparison. :)

Ivy Wynne

2011-11-15T20:27:00.001-08:00

She's here!

Ivy Wynne Howell
November 11, 2011
7 lbs 9 oz -- 20 inches

So many little tender mercies that Friday - going into labor at just the right time, having time to talk to Carver about it and not having it come as a surprise, 3 different places for our kids to play, no traffic up to the hospital, time to get my antibiotics working before delivery, the same fantastic nurse who helped deliver Carver, and most of all - a healthy baby girl!!

We feel very, very blessed.

We struggled a lot with her name until we decided to really focus on the meaning. So Ivy means "fidelity and eternity." Wynne means "pure" and it's a family name, as well as Welsh (Howell is Welsh). We are so grateful she's here!

Due

2011-10-25T20:03:00.000-07:00

3 more weeks from tomorrow is the due date. YIKES! I've been thinking about how it feels like a school due date. All these things to finish before they are "due." Once school started, I really dove into projects like crazy and checked things of the list. There is still a LOT to do, but I'm running out of steam in a big way and resting a lot so this baby doesn't come before I'm ready. Either she's on her way a little earlier than Nov. 16th or I'm just in for a long few weeks. :) Here's a little of what we've been fitting in before the due date:

I had a birthday - Derek took the day off and we went to the pumpkin patch as a family. We even pulled the girls out of school early! It was so fun. Then it rained and rained while we wandered through the corn maze. Not a whole lotta great pictures that day, but it was tons of fun! This is what 9 tons of dried corn looks like...

It was also VERY muddy. 3 out of 4 children rode home without pants. :)

Grace had her first ever field trip. Oh, so exciting!

Carver had a birthday! Spider man style. The boys played with flubber....

...used sticky hands to get spiders off paper webs...

...and shot this crazy villain with silly string.

We had brownies as a family that night to celebrate 6 whole years with our cute boy. He LOVED his birthday!!

Sunday was beautiful, so we took advantage of the sunshine and pretty leaves to take fall pictures on the trail. Some even turned out okay, despite the amateur photography (mine!).

I've got the blessing dress made, the stocking made, clothes out and inventoried, some things washed. It feels like I've done a lot, but there is so much more to do!!

Lydia's big school presentation tomorrow night
Primary program on Sunday (I'm the chorister, of all crazy things!)
Halloween
weekend with Derek's parents
finding a spot for the crib in our room
more organizing in our room
scheduling parent teacher conferences around delivery
all sorts of regular stuff

AND...

a name for this girl!!

It's been SO HARD - maybe because it's our 4th girl?
Who knows.

Some forerunners (if you ask me) are:
Alice. Ruby. Claire. Rose.

I'd like to know before sleep deprivation sets in and I lose all ability to make good decisions, but we might be drawing out of a hat in the hospital. :)

Fall Party

2011-10-04T15:25:00.000-07:00

The Howell family's favorite pagan tradition:
ANNUAL FALL PARTY

We love celebrating the first day of fall (give or take) with homemade donuts and decorating the house for the season. That takes about 2 minutes because I'm not a big seasonal decorator. I struggle with the regular kind of home decor! Isn't keeping it clean enough of a job?!

The pink camo has nothing to do with fall. Just a birthday party the girls went to that afternoon. :)

Hurray for cool weather, hot chocolate, donuts and fall fun!! It's birthday season, leaves, pumpkins, pies and even a baby this year. It's gonna be a great fall. :)

Grace's first day

2011-09-25T18:57:00.001-07:00

This was one happy day at our house. The question is who was happier - Grace or me!! This is her big smile before our "meet the teacher" picnic a few weeks ago. After watching Carver go to to preschool literally as long as she can remember, it's finally her turn. She had to work through some disappointment over not being able to take the bus to her preschool, but we do get to carpool with a friend and that helps soften the blow a little bit. :)

As for me? This is the day that moms look forward to for years. A little slice of freedom, a little peace and quiet with ALL the kids at school. Granted, it's only 3 times a week for 2 1/2 hours, but that's a whole lot more than I've ever had!! What a strange, wonderful feeling it is! My "bucket list" before this baby is a big one, but I'm sewing and trying to finish listening to Unbroken (it's a REALLY good book!). I've got to make the most of this time before I'm snuggling a baby and going back to bed every Mon/Wed/Fri. :)

Here's Grace on her first day of preschool!

Aren't these girlies cute? They crack me up.
Happy times are these!!

Carver's big day

2011-09-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

I've been worried about this day for literally years. I've lost sleep over it. I've cried over it. It is incredibly hard to describe how different it is to send Carver to kindergarten than his big sisters. They were reading and writing and counting to 100, all those sorts of things. Carver can't do any of the pre-kindergarten skills. He struggles to sit still, follow directions, wait his turn. I was hoping for the other teacher and had a huge emotional breakdown when he got the other one. It really wasn't about the teacher, just a reason to let out all the anxiety that's been building up over the summer. His teacher has been wonderful. We've emailed a bunch, she let us come in early to look at the classroom and hopefully let him explore a little without the chaos of other kids. She probably thinks I'm an overprotective worrier. She's absolutely right, but this is my crazy hard, sweet little guy! I resisted the urge to email her the first day and ask how it went, but she emailed me - bless her heart. She's taught kindergarten FOREVER and I know she's seen it all, but I just hope and pray that she'll love Carver. That's what'll make the difference. I met his OT at the orientation meeting and was so impressed. She'll help in the classroom, as well as pull him out for therapy. He'll have PT and SLP every week, as well, but I haven't met the SLP yet. His PT is the same as at the preschool and he is fantastic, as well. I know that we aren't doing this alone. There's still a team to look out for his needs and help kindergarten be successful for him and manageable for his teacher. He'll have time in a small special ed class every day, as well, to learn in his own way and work on the skills that are appropriate for his level. I'm telling you - this style of kindergarten is completely different from what I've done before. How can I not worry about all these pieces?! Will the kids be nice to him? Will he drive his teacher crazy? Will he like it there? Will he find his teacher after getting off the bus? Will he stay in his seat on the bus? Is he going to learn the things he needs to know? How will he ever be ready for all day in 1st grade? I'm trying not to worry about that now, but I kinda can't help myself.

But Carver's just plain old excited. About the bus and going to the same school as Ellie. About being a kindergartener and his friends in his class. He started Friday and was pretty bummed not to go back the next day. He's really happy that tomorrow is another school day. Here's one of his best buddies at the bus stop.

He looked a tiny bit worried hopping on the bus.

You can imagine how it touched my heart to see his good big sisters take his hands on the way to the bus stop that morning. Lydia sat by him on the bus and Ellie helped him find his teacher when they got there. With sisters like these looking out for him and a team of teachers ready for him, I know he's going to be just fine.

And I just might survive another year of kindergarten, too. :)

First Days

2011-09-11T19:42:00.001-07:00

Ready or not, school started last Tuesday. At the last minute, the girls swapped their shirts into their matching stripes. For the record, it was HOT that day and I took Ellie's sweater home from the bus stop. She just likes to be prepared. :)

Can you believe that Lydia is in 5th grade now?
Here's her first day of kindergarten:

And now she's in her LAST year of elementary school. Wow.
Do I have to let her go to middle school?!

And here's Ellie's first day of kindergarten:

And now off to 3rd grade! She still loves pink and purple. :)

I asked the girls if they were sure they wanted to go to school. Didn't they want to stay home a few more weeks? It's warm and wonderful right now... Okay, a little too hot, but I'm trying really hard to be grateful for the sunshine! But they were ready to go, so excited to tell me all about it when they got home and enjoy some homemade oreos and milk. It was kinda weird and quiet at home without them, but Carver and Grace kept me plenty busy!

Happy back-to-school to the big girls!

littlest biker

2011-09-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

I still can't believe she pulled this off.
Barely 4 years old = a new family record.
She really, really LOVES her bike!!

A bite of the bittersweet

2011-08-31T16:12:00.000-07:00

I've really been trying to savor this summer. Make the most of every day because it's the LAST one before baby "cinco" comes along. Does anyone else ever feel like preparing for a baby is preparing for life as you know it to end?! I do.

So I'm feeling a little sad that we're almost out of summertime. I kinda like eating breakfast whenever we want to, showering when I get around to it, not having to be home at lunchtime every single day. Now it's cloudy, school starts in less than a week and my fall calendar is packed, despite Lydia deciding not to play soccer this year and cutting out all Carver's private therapies. I was trying to downsize and simplify, but I guess I just traded for doctor's appointments. :) I'm 29 weeks today! Yikes.

I have moments of just loving summer and not ever wanting it to end and moments (at the store with 4 wild monkeys) that I'm counting down the days til this crew finds somewhere else to be! Instead of feeling torn, I'm relishing the feeling. I love a good tragic novel. Gone with the Wind, Anna Karenina, Jane Eyre. Those are meaty stories that really leave me satisfied. I loved the end of Hunger Games because it wasn't all happily ever after. What does this reveal about me?!! I'm sure I don't want to know.

I'm applying the same principle to the cooler weather, the darker mornings and the start of school. Isn't it delicious that things change?! Isn't it wonderful to feel wistful for warm summer days and anxious for pumpkins, soup and school all at the same time? I'm just eating it up this year.

But oh, doesn't this look like fun?! I'm sure gonna miss these days!!

Summer 2011

2011-08-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

Where has the summer gone? It's finally warm and sunny, just in time for the kids to start school in a couple weeks. But despite the clouds and sweatshirts, we've been busy having fun. And I've learned a couple summer truths I always, always forget:

1. We NEVER do all the worksheets and school work that I think we will. Like hardly any.

2. It's really asking too much of myself to tackle massive projects with 4 kids running around this place. I'm doing pretty good to mop the floor, do laundry and feed us.

3. Sibling relationships are complicated. Either you scream and fight or play for hours happily. Both on the same day, sometimes within minutes of each other. I think this is normal. I really hope it is.

4. Playdates are good for everyone, but somehow I never get around to setting them up.

5. Weather does NOT determine our activities. Take a sweatshirt and go to the beach, dang it!

6. I'm happier when I get up way too early and go on a run/walk with my friends, even if I crash on the couch at 3 pm.

7. We are almost as busy in the summer as we are in the school year - I just get to call the shots more. :)

8. I take lots more pictures, but never blog.

Here's a few things we've been up to:

Grace is learning to ride her bike w/o training wheels because all the other little girls in the neighborhood are doing it and she wants to follow along. :)

Lydia got braces - and a cute new hair cut, just not in the same picture.

Here's Grace's new haircut - she's been asking for 6 months to have short hair and I told her she had to wait until after her birthday so we'd have pony tails all summer. I don't really know why that mattered, this is SO much easier than long hair. And darling. But don't tell her - she's a vain little peacock these days! :)

playing slip-n-slide, water guns and all sorts of mischief with Dad

Ellie was BAPTIZED! Hurray for her! Such a beautiful, special thing. She asked Lydia to give a talk on baptism, which was sweet. Lydia did a great job, Ellie was super happy about being baptized and we were so proud of her. Both sets of grandparents and even more family was able to be here for the special day.

ice cream cones

Our first trip to Ocean Shores

Our first trip to Lake Chelan

sending off Grandma to Portland on the train

4th of July - Carver liked it better with ear protection. Our neighborhood is OUT OF CONTROL loud and crazy with fireworks. Poor kid.

I had more pictures, but they won't upload and I'm all done trying. Maybe in a couple months I'll try again. :)

Smells good in here

2011-06-16T23:12:00.001-07:00

I'm a terrible blogger. Like maybe I'm not even a blogger anymore. I should retire, give up and move on with my life. But I can't quite do that yet, so here's a "mini-post" until I recover my life and sanity... in July. (June is the hardest month of my year and I'm hanging on for dear life!)

a conversation in a bathroom stall at a therapy center...

Grace: It smells good in here. Like hot dogs.

Ew. Ew!! But I can't help but love hot dogs anyway. Just not public bathrooms so much.

I'm 18 weeks now, feeling great, still running (slow and steady), wearing maternity clothes (sigh) and hoping to enjoy the summer before the fatigue and discomfort hit again that 3rd trimester. But school will start right about then and I'll have (a little) time to myself to rest up before this baby comes. At least that's my plan!

Another GIRL?!

2011-05-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

Last week, right at my 15 week mark, I went for a free ultrasound at a Siemens office not far from here. I was crossing my fingers that they'd be able to tell gender. For lots of reasons. Like that we are still in a 3 bedroom house and I'm wondering where the heck this new baby will sleep (after they leave our bedroom). And that Carver's sensory processing disorder is genetic and more common in boys. Not to mention regular things like clothes and names and which bumpers to pull out of storage.

Our little one was facing backwards and not highly cooperative, but they THINK it's a girl. I didn't want to be told there because I just had Grace with me. So I asked them to write it down and we'd open it at dinner as a family. The first tech thought one thing, the second thought another, we had a third come in as a tie breaker. So between the differing opinions, the early gestational age and the fact that it's easier to mistake a boy for a GIRL, I'm not 100% confident. STILL, it's nice to call the baby a "her" and start brainstorming how to use our space to accommodate FOUR!!! girls in our little house.

We are excited. Surprised. I think we were all thinking boy. Maybe I was trying to prep myself for another little boy just like Carver, maybe I was hoping we'd get a boy bedroom and a girl bedroom without having to get creative. Either way, I was surprised. But we love girls and Grace will love to dress her. :)

Speaking of, she's picked a fellow Sunbeam (the name of her church class) to marry and today told me that they'd have children. She'd have babies. After Halloween. Just like the baby in my tummy. So, so funny!!

Sometime between now and November 16th, we'll have more ultrasounds and confirm that this is really a girl. If you asked Grace before, she'd say that the baby is a "boy or a girl." And that still holds true. :)

Pop-tarts and Pickles

2011-04-21T15:02:00.001-07:00

Baked potatoes with butter, sour cream, salt and pepper

Greek salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, and feta

French fries, of course

Ginger-ale, with or without grenadine for a little sweetness

Brown sugar cinnamon pop-tarts

Omelets - ham, cheddar and tomato

Strawberries with nutella

Absolutely perfect purple grapes

Sugar snap peas with ranch

Ruffles dipped in ranch

Kraft mac and cheese

Cup O' Noodles

Rondele cheese spread

Kettle Korn

Broccoli, asparagus, peas, even kale

I bought pickles, but they haven't sounded good at home. I'm currently dreaming of a regular Arby's roast beef sandwich. Mexican restaurants with good beans and rice, maybe a chimichanga. And lots of of meat/cheese paninis. Maybe I'll live at Panera for the next month.
A month oughta do it. Maybe 6 weeks if I'm not so lucky.

That's right: 10 weeks down, 30 more to go. :)

What's warming my heart these days

2011-04-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

This is a crummy time of year, even if you're trying hard to see the glass half full. Because, dang it, I'm a little tired of rain and clouds by now. As evidenced by the fact that I feel like life is just routine and there is nothing to blog about or take pictures of. In fact, my camera had a total of 6 (SIX!!) pictures on it from the last full month. We're doing plenty of things, but they are inside and the same things we've been doing all winter. So there's the whiny context for this post.

I was thinking about the happy little things that are warming me up right now, while the sun shirks it's responsibility.

Grace telling me, "I love you, Mommy. But best of all, I love to kiss." (huge pucker and lots of kisses on all the parts of my face)

Ellie's 2nd grade concert, where she was so excited to wear a skirt to curtsy. This made perfect sense to me because they were doing square dancing. But she saved the great big giant curtsies for the end when the audience clapped and she was right smack in the middle of the risers in her purple skirt. 2 huge ones, that I only saw the top of head do. But I'm smiling about it all the same!

Grace's independent fashion sense. I'm trying to document more of her outfits. I think all my girls have done this. Lydia says it hurts her eyes and that makes me smile as much as the diva herself. This is Grace, all dressed and ready to go meet her preschool teacher for next year.

Carver is all about sneaking right now. Mostly cute things like, "I sneaked up and brushed my teeth ALL BY MYSELF," he says with a huge grin. Or "Grace sleeping and I sneaked in give her kiss." His clothes don't match right now, either. But he's dressing himself completely on his own, not trashing his closet in the process and that is a happy thing, indeed.

Watching Tangled with the family and Lydia busting a gut, laughing so hard it's contagious. I love that girl and that her sense of humor is just like her dad's.

Lydia played the piano tonight at an Activity Day recognition night. Her first time in front of so many people (that's what happens when I'm the teacher - recitals are small!) and she did great and felt so good about it. Warmed my heart, for sure.

Bike rides with my friend, Sarah. Running in the sunshine from time to time. Reading good books. Strawberries in season again and learning to use the broiler instead of the grill. Phone calls from Derek at lunchtime. Daffodils he picks from our yard that remind me of the sweetness of being engaged in the spring 11 years ago.

There are lots and lots of silver linings lately, but I'm still ready to give up the clouds all together!

Fierce Love

2011-03-04T15:01:00.001-08:00

Carver brings out my best and my worst.

Being his mom has changed the way I mother, for good and bad. I am more understanding of everyone who acts up (adults and children alike) because I know that there is always more going on than you might see on the surface. I'm learning a lot about diagnosis and insurance and code words like IDEA, IEP, 504, SPD, SLP, etc... I also learn on a daily basis how much I don't know and how much more I need to do and be.

Sometimes I play this game in my head. It goes like this: I finish this sentence in different ways, "If I didn't have Carver...." and I try to tell myself that I wouldn't yell so much at my kids because I wouldn't feel all used by him, I'd do more Mommy School with Grace, we'd watch fireworks as a family, I could talk with adults without wondering every second what he's up to, I'd sit with the girls when they get home from school all "Leave-It-To-Beaver," talk about their day, look at their homework and eat a yummy, healthy snack. I wouldn't let my kids watch a movie every day after school (he melts down otherwise) or every time I shower (I've learned my lesson). I'd volunteer to help out at Activity Days and set up for YW nights. The list goes on and on. These things might not even be true. There are likely to be just as many things I do WELL because of him, right? Although those are harder to think of....

Is this healthy? I have no idea. But sometimes it reassures me that I am not a failure in those things that are hard for me and for him. There is a fine line between REASONS and EXCUSES, however, and I don't want to give myself permission to be mediocre when I can rise to the challenge of hard things.

And, of course, I don't want to be without Carver. I'm grateful he's in our family, for his sweetness and sincere desire to help. He can't help it that he's so impulsive and needy sometimes. He finally started telling me that he loves me, too, and it is a beautiful thing. I've needed to hear it for years.

I've wondered before about the different kind of love that I feel for him. The best word is FIERCE. I feel mother-bearish about him, protective, concerned, dedicated in a way that is absolutely exhausting sometimes. I also feel so frustrated and discouraged, which also brings out a fierceness I don't like so well.

I was waiting for his preschool bus yesterday and realized that what I sometimes feel about Carver is what comes in spurts with my other kids. Mostly, I love them in a steady flow but there is a moment that comes where they go out on their own, run onto the soccer field, take a big test at school, suffer through an uncomfortable appointment at the orthodontist and I feel that fierce love for them. I just wear it more often with Carver. It's kinda like adrenalin or something - a little is great, but too much over a period of time can make you crazy.

I hope that my daily frustration with him is balanced by the intensity of my desire to help him. I hope that the worst in me is somehow made up for by the best that shines through from time to time.

Happy Chompo to me

2011-02-27T21:07:00.000-08:00

Derek had a birthday this month and we nearly celebrated in secret (off the record, at least), but here I am with one little snippet from his big day. The kids gave him chocolate covered raisins from Costco because I thought he really wanted them and I'd blown the budget on his gift and $10 was all I had left for the kids to use. :) He'd been to Costco, looking for snacks for work, and considered these. Then, from time to time, he'd ask me after I made a Costco run, "Did you get any chocolate raisins?" Uh, no - I try not to walk down that aisle because I want everything covered in chocolate and don't need them in bulk!

Anyway, we got him his raisins for his birthday. And then we ate them while he was at work. Not all of them, but a lot of them. Okay, most of them. I kept singing to myself from one of my favorite Frances books,

Happy raisins to me.
Is how it ought to be.
Happy raisins to Rachael,
happy raisins to me.

And one of the things I love best about Derek is how he spoils me rotten. "Go ahead and eat all my birthday chocolate raisins. I got them for you. I mean, you got them for you." He is so generous with me, he lets me sleep in and take naps when he gets so much less sleep than I do, he washes dishes and folds clothes while I run with my friends. Seriously, I am one lucky girl.

And I owe him another jar of chocolate raisins.

Muffin Monday

2011-02-18T11:59:00.000-08:00

Except it's Friday. And we had muffins on Wednesday this week. But we USUALLY have muffins on Mondays! :)

These are a new recipe and I loved them. You'll love them, too - the brown sugar and pecans on top were the best part, but those bits of apples inside were a close second. I love having buttermilk on hand lately, it's not very expensive and makes better waffles and muffins. Mmmmm...

Of course, you might not like them. You might pick off all the pecans and eat around the apples. You might ask for "plain muffins," insist you don't like them and then eat most of it anyway. You might cry about not having another muffin all the way to the bus stop. In the end, you might take me up on the original offer of trying it and then having cinnamon toast instead.

But just in case you love them like the REST of us.... give 'em a try.

Buttermilk Apple Muffins

3/4 c. packed brown sugar
1/3 c. oi
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 c. flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 c. chopped apple
1/2 c. buttermilk

Topping:
1/3 c. brown sugar
1/3 c. pecans, chopped
3/4 tsp. cinnamon

Heat oven to 325. Blend brown sugar, oil, egg and vanilla in large bowl. Combine dry ingredients and add to wet mixture. Add apples and buttermilk and mix just to moisten. Fill paper lined or greased muffin tins 2/3 full. Combine topping ingredients and sprinkle over muffins. Bake at 325 for 15-20 minutes. Makes 12 muffins. (After 20 minutes, I upped the temp to 350 and baked another 2-3 minutes. This just wasn't enough.)

It's good to be 3

2011-02-03T12:56:00.000-08:00

This week, I was driving home from Wal-mart one afternoon with my happy little 3 year old helper and thinking what a great life I've got these days. We have enough to keep us busy and happy in the mornings, then Carver heads out to preschool and I get to spend time with my moody preschool girl. Sometimes she's all sweetness. I love that I don't plan around naps anymore, that running errands is usually pleasant. She loves that when her brother is at school, she gets to sit in his booster seat. Then we have an afternoon (like yesterday) where I believe she spent at least half the time crying in a loud, obnoxious way. And I remember that it's all part of being 3.

I told her, "Grace, you are such a good girl."

She replied, "but I pick my nose."

Yes, well - that is gross, isn't it?
But you're still my favorite 3 year old.

Grace LOVES to be 3.
She like to have 3 of everything if possible.
3 toast triangles
3 piggy tails
3 outfits a day
3 siblings to accommodate her

She was desperately sad not to be able to participate in the church Primary program and talk in a microphone. Since then, she and Carver use the tripod for various talks and musical numbers. I have no idea what the gloves and boots have to do with it.

This girl knows how to move her hips! She calls it doing her "hippups." This is a peek at Howell Family Dance Party 2010 on New Year's Eve.

P.S. After reading a couple comments, I realized that I never asked Derek's permission - so I just did. :) We were ALL very silly that night, but I was lucky enough to be behind the camera. What a good sport he is!

last trip

2011-01-31T21:05:00.001-08:00

Oh, boy - I was dreading this trip and, at the same time, I was anxious to go. My parents are in the middle of moving to New York state - could they really move any further away?!! Okay, Orlando, Florida is further by about 300 miles. But I've never wanted to go to Florida. New York is better. :)

I've felt so incredibly blessed to have had these nearly 3 1/2 years to live just a few hours from my parents in one direction and Derek's in the other. I'm grateful that I don't have any regrets - we made the most of it. We did Grandma Camp and reunions and couple trips. They came for birthdays and shopping and holidays together. We've canned chicken together and my mom sewed the curtains in our house. I snuck down to surprise my sister for her birthday a few years ago and went to Wicked with them on another trip. I love my parents so much and will miss having them nearby. But dang it - I don't need another occasion to cry about this... I'm just supposed to be posting pictures of our last trip down to their house before the movers came. My dad has already started his new job and my sister is at college, so we just played with Grandma this time. Here she is with the kids before church for our "porch picture."

My girls wanted to hit Powell's downtown one more time. They always go during Grandma Camp and here they are with their loot. :) C&G and I stayed home to play - it was WAY better for all of us that way!

The sun came out and so we took the opportunity to play at the Pirate Park one more time.

Carver helped make chicken nuggets.

Uncle Tyson had been in town and made a cool city of chalk in the garage. Carver LOVED driving the police car around and filling it up with pretend gas (weed killer). Grace loved that trike and wouldn't wear a coat. It obviously didn't go with the ballerina look. Grandma was the car wash worker.

The best reading chair!

Ellie organized a flight to Mexico.

We had a box of hand-me-downs from my cousins and an impromptu fashion show. I love that these girls love hand-me-downs! :)

Grandma read books and had lots of tea parties! (with REAL food!)

I had Lydia take this one. I wanted proof that I was there, too. :) My mom and I got a babysitter one night, went to dinner and to the mall. Just like so many good times together - it was such a treat to spend time together. My mom is the best!

We'll miss you, Grandma and Grandpa Eucker!
But watch out, New York - we'll figure out a way to come and visit one of these days.
3000 miles of pure family fun in a minivan. :)

Sunday afternoon nap

2011-01-16T16:48:00.000-08:00

The best part of 9 am church is the return of the Sunday Afternoon Nap. In fact, it might be the only good thing about 9 am church. At our house, it goes something like this:

We get home from church, change our clothes and eat a snacky sort of lunch. Then it's QUIET time. And the girls are all supposed to play quietly. We don't mess around with the little man - it's pretty much physically impossible for him to play quietly without something terrible happening. So Derek and I bring him onto our bed with us - Derek's in the middle today, so I doze off fairly quickly and wake up to Carver's wiggles, which reminds me that it's Derek who really needs the nap because he is super sleep deprived and I can squeeze in weekday naps. I'm in the middle now and Carver plays with his foot, his dog, his sock. At one point it's next to my face. Finally, I let him play with my hair because I'm desperate. I swear I've just fallen asleep when a little monkey wiggles in the tiny space between Derek and I. (That makes 4 of us now on the queen size bed). She's scratching on her toy or something, which I silence with my arm and a grumpy face. She must have fallen asleep because the next thing I hear is Derek snoring (this doesn't happen very often) and I whack him with my arm, which does the trick and he stops. Except it also woke him up, so I guess I whacked a little too hard. All that leverage reaching over Grace threw me off. It's time for him to go home teaching and that wakes up Carver, who starts asking for things. I try to ignore him for a few minutes, but eventually I'm up and it's Grace that's left alone on our bed. Somehow, more than an hour has passed. So I have to believe that there was some sleeping involved. And even if there wasn't, it is WONDERFUL to try!

Commencement

2011-01-11T14:18:00.000-08:00

I know that commencement means the beginning, but the connotation also speaks a little of wrapping things up and that's how New Year's is, right? A little of both looking back and going forward. First, the looking back.

What a great year! We ended with a special visit from my parents, who are leaving the wet northWEST for the snowy northEAST this month. So we celebrated Christmas together and they were nice enough to make the drive up here and be with us for the holiday.

It was so much fun. Alyssa makes a great angel - and I think Grace had the perfect Mary face. We looked at lights, ate yummy food, make crafts and cookies with Grandma and shared our testimonies of the Savior. It was a wonderful Christmas and I'm so grateful we could share it with my parents and sister. We will miss them BIG time!!

For New Year's Eve, we did our traditional awards, which I LOVE. the kids just beam. Only this year, I made wordles for the older girls instead of "medals" so I could include more. I think Ellie missed the fun of wearing it around her neck, so I owe her that version, too.

Then we played 2010 Bingo, with cards made of pictures from the year and then we had one rockin' dance party. You should've seen Grace move those hips!! Someday I'll have to post videos. She cracked me up!

Everyone loved dancing with Dad! He flipped them and rolled them up and did all sorts of tricks. It was so fun to just all be silly together. I need to loosen up like that more often. It's all that martinelli's, I guess. ;)

I'm kinda blank on what to expect in 2011 for myself.

Ellie will be baptized in August.
and start Activity Days at church (she's THRILLED)

Carver will start KINDERGARTEN!
We hope this is the year of the bike for him.

Lydia is having her first double digit birthday - whoa.
She'll also enter her last year of elementary school.
YIKES.

Grace will probably start preschool in the fall.
I hope that she'll be starting to read a little bit.

It's exciting to see these kids growing up.
I hope I can keep up with them!

Rewind

2010-12-19T21:28:00.001-08:00

I just found these pictures...

(nevermind they are a month old and I'm just getting around to uploading them)

We had snow!
The school-stopping, traffic-slowing, parent-teacher conference
canceling kind that extended our Thanksgiving break by 2 days.

The kids loved sledding, making angels, pulling each other
around on sleds.... also spending 30 minutes crying about
not having the pants, gloves, hat, coat they were looking for,
5 minutes to get outside while the house gets cold,
playing outside about 10 minutes,
dumping all their wet gear on the floor
and demanding hot chocolate.

But maybe that's just how I see it.

Even still, there is something magic about snow and
I hope that we get more of it this winter.

I wanted to make Thanksgiving special for the kiddos
and involve them in our pie day on Wednesday.

Carver is a natural at whacking graham crackers to smithereens.

And Grace takes butter very seriously.

I really should have these girls help me more because it's
actually helpful once we agree to perfect fairness in taking turns.

I made more pies, but I was All. Done. with helpers.
It wasn't the cozy, happy kitchen moment I imagined.
But maybe they'll still think of me fondly when they grow up?

Here's Ellie on Thanksgiving. Don't over-do it, honey!
She makes me laugh. And she didn't have seconds.
Which reaffirms my belief that an entire day of pies and
4 solid hours of cooking might be wasted on these kids.

oh, but I'm so grateful for them anyway. :)
And for Derek's good job, a warm house, good schools, great friends, running, books, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, prayer, the scriptures, our health and wonderful extended family.

We are so blessed.

Hope

2010-12-10T12:47:00.000-08:00

I went for a run with some good friends last night in the rain. It helped. And so did the hot chocolate and snickers bar I had when I got home. :)

But the real peace came as I was looking for inspiration for a church lesson. I was flipping through the New Testament and came to one of my favorite passages in John, chapter 9.

1 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.

2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. UAdd a Note

I opened right to this and knew, remembered actually, that God knows me and He knows Carver and that He's going to help us. I'm not ever really alone in this struggle to be a good mom to him.

That was a sweet, sweet feeling - better than hot chocolate.

Then this morning, I opened our latest church magazine and read this article about helping people with disabilities and was struck again by how much God knows me and how much He loves me and speaks to me, even when I look for peace in inferior places.

The next article I found was about the power of the Savior's Atonement to heal and make right everything that is hard in our lives, anything that discourages us. Elder Tad Callister wrote about Mary and Joseph, their visitations from the angel and his words to them, "fear not."

Elder Callister said:

"The angel’s counsel for Mary and Joseph to “fear not” was more than customized instruction for their individual problems. It was a universal salutation for all people because Mary and Joseph would play a unique role in the Savior’s ministry, which ministry would make it possible to eliminate all fears of all people of all ages."

He continues:

"Mary and Joseph learned one of the most powerful lessons of life: if you believe in the Atonement and do God’s will, you need not fear because there will always be a solution to your problems."

I knew these things, but oh - how I needed to remember them today! I am humbled by these perfect answers and have renewed hope. This is still hard, we're still going to have really bad days. But I know that there is a solution to all of this somewhere and that what really needs to happen will work out and everything else must not matter as much as I think.

I am so grateful to KNOW that I'm a daughter of Heavenly Father who loves me.

Just words

2010-12-09T13:56:00.000-08:00

I've got to write. Vent. Get it all out there.

To put it lightly, we've been having a major insurance saga at our house. The new plan, leaving the SLP is well covered in a previous post. I thought we'd found a silver lining to changes that I didn't welcome and it's all come crashing down.

Our plan doesn't cover therapy for developmental delays. Period. I cried again. Then I got to work finding out about possible scholarship options, discounts for paying out of pocket, etc... One therapy center has a "great" scholarship program, that allows us to pay only 40% of the visit. (That's still $50/week). So we started there and it was so disappointing. The therapist was a bad fit for Carver, disciplined him over and over and expected him to sit in a chair for therapy and play with a few lame-o toys. You've got to know Carver to understand the lunacy in that. $50/week for torture doesn't make sense. I canceled right away, much to her bewilderment. I can go back to our old SLP and pay $70/week for something that actually works. IF she has a spot for us.

Meanwhile, I'd already had Plan B figured out and they thought it was worth an evaluation to see if any of their diagnostic/therapy codes would be approved. I agreed. Today was the day and Lakeside Center for Autism is an AMAZING place. Truly. I met with a SLP (that was highly recommended), an OT and a Teacher Extraordinaire. I learned so much from them. The OT was all over the sensory processing disorder, breaking it down again into how each piece works in Carver's particular case. I wish I could've spent all day with her, playing with Carver and helping me understand him better. The SLP was also very impressive. He was Carver's favorite because he played with him. Carver called him "Dr. Dan" (do you have that book? It's darling.) and it was all about, "come here, come play!" They hung up necklaces on the plastic jungle gym as "christmas lights" and jumped into big pillows that were "hot lava." There were swings and a pop up tent and whistles and sticks that Carver used for so many things. In the midst of all that play, he totally nailed Carver's speech. His inconsistencies are an indicator of apraxia, but also of his sensory processing disorder. He caught something I hadn't noticed - his speech ability fluctuates based on how regulated he is in terms of sensory needs. The educator talked about behavioral therapy and how they'd work on skills like sitting and attending to tasks he doesn't like. Attending is a huge challenge for Carver. "If he'd only pay attention!!" The really amazing part is that all their therapy would be sensory in nature. They'd be on equipment, they'd take breaks or start with play that would stimulate him and meet his sensory needs so he could focus on the work they needed to do. They recommended 2 hrs ST, 2 hrs OT, 2 hrs behavioral therapy a week.

In a nutshell, it was perfect. I was sitting there thinking that these 3 specialists understood Carver and knew exactly how to help him. I came home, called insurance and nope, nope, nope. Nothing qualifies.

And now I'm stuck in a bad dream. You know those ones where you are looking for someone/something and you can't ever quite get there? That's me. I know what we need, I'm reaching and stretching and can never get it. It's forever out of reach. Today could've made it worse to see the perfect fit and know I can't have it. Their recommendations are about $900/week out of pocket. Really and truly. Let's say we did half of that. $450/week. Or maybe even 2 visits a week - $300/week. That's still $1200/month!!

This leads me to the next bad dream I live in. I know there is help somewhere for families like us. There are grants, scholarships, government programs out there. I know there are. But I am fumbling around in the dark, searching for the right place to look. It's like a tiny scrap of paper in a big empty room. It's frustrating that I keep going in circles and looking in the same places that never work out. I wish I could see the whole picture, how insurance and therapy and funding all work together. or maybe there is someone out there who helps people like me, just a couple hours every once in awhile to help ME know how to help CARVER. I want so desperately to help him and I can't do it alone, but here I am. All alone, crying and typing and praying to know what to do next.

--------------------------

Sigh. I'm back, feeling more balanced and less panicked.
We'll get through this. We always do.
We don't live in the Best house, drive the Best car
or wear the Best clothes.
I know that Carver doesn't have to have the Best therapy
to be happy or successful in life.
I'm just going to have to do the BEST that I can.

and then get over it! :)

November Part II

2010-12-05T21:38:00.001-08:00

Some of this was actually October... maybe. Or maybe it just feels that long ago that there were leaves in our trees. :) Lydia finished up her 4th season of soccer. Carver was her biggest fan because he always went to the games. We've finally stopped dragging the whole family every time she plays since it's so often cold, but Carver is Mr. Impervious so he doesn't mind. And it helps tremendously to get him out of the house on a Saturday, both for his sake and the sake of the parent who is trying to get something done at home!

Ellie and Lydia ran in their first race! A turkey trot not far from here - a 1K for the kiddos and a 5K for me. It was perfect. They got t-shirts, medals and a number to put on the Howell wall of fame. I loved the course and the distance of mine. It didn't rain or snow, so we were very grateful.

Grace is as that funny age where she falls asleep in random places. One day I walked downstairs and didn't see her. Upon closer inspection of the lumpy blanket on the floor, I realized she'd curled up inside the blanket and fallen asleep completely enclosed! I opened up an air hole and warned the kids when they got home from school not to step on their sister. She's so tiny you really couldn't tell unless you saw her face. And she's a slow, picky eater so falling asleep at the table comes with the territory. I love it.

I'm DETERMINED to blog more.
It's my pre-New Year's Resolution. ;)

November's last chance

2010-11-30T11:49:00.001-08:00

Where does the time go?! I swear November just started and here it is over already. Fall has been slipping away and Christmas is just around the corner. I really better catch up on the last couple months or I'll lose the last couple readers that I have left. :)

Carver had his 5th birthday and got a fire-fighter costume from Mom and Dad and some great fire fighter rain boots from G&G Eucker. G&G Howell gave him a superman costume that he calls "super snap" from a Backyardigans episode. We were in sad need of boy dress-up!

I ran a half marathon in October. 13 miles just after my 31st birthday, if you like those sorts of number games. And I do. :) It was awesome. I love my running friends, I love feeling totally worn out after a long run, the incredible hunger that follows and the super clean feeling of a hot shower. I'm so glad that I extended the training past Ragnar to the half. It was worth it, but what a time commitment! I am happy to be running 5Ks these days. :)

Then Halloween was upon us. Here's their finished costumes. Grace was into winking there for awhile. :) She was Snow White at the ward party, Cinderella on the 30th and Sleeping Beauty on the 31st. I sure love that dress up box!

Ellie, the pioneer girl, and fire fighter Carver.
Then Lydia as a bat.

Saturday night, we trick-or-treated to some friends in our neighborhood and then Derek took the older 2 to a trunk-or-treat at the church. Carver sampled most of his candy without finishing any of it. Dots, chocolate, smarties all mixed up in his hands and mouth. Lovely. Grace ate maybe 2 pieces - slowly and with great ceremony.

Sunday night we made caramel apples. Oh, they were SO yummy!

November's highlights coming soon....

Procrastinated Project #5

2010-10-31T19:51:00.000-07:00

(The mystery vacation - revealed)

We flew to the Midwest the 2nd weekend of October.
Naperville. Chicago. Kalamazoo. Grand Rapids.
Family Reunion. Family Pictures. Road Trips.
5 days of fun and family!

We flew all day Wednesday, spent quality time in rush-hour traffic to eat a little Chicago-style pizza with all the family (hurray!) and find the hotel before our big day in the city.

Navy Pier:

The only shopping we did downtown... what a cool store!
(and the bags just look big. They didn't get that much...)

Up to the top of the Willis Tower (formerly Sears Tower)

Talk about freaky... walking out on the "Ledge"

Goofing around downtown, waiting for our hop-on/hop-off bus.

Riding the bus was fun, but a little chilly.

stopping for free Hershey's bars

sleeping on the bus...

The next day was the Field Museum...

Their uncle works there, of all cool things! We saw Sue - the most famous T-rex bones around. We've actually seen Sue twice. Once in Spokane. Yep, we're THAT lucky! ;)

(don't you love the family reunion T-shirts?!)

That afternoon we drove to Kalamazoo and Derek met with a client of his, who gave the kids cookies and milk and goodie bags about Michigan. Very nice!

We stayed with Derek's sister in Grand Rapids that night and went to the Meijer Gardens together the next day. It was AWESOME. Very big, very kid-friendly and such a gorgeous day.

Then we tortured the kids with family pictures.
I took snapshots while we waited our turn.

Then we played at the park and the COOLEST tire swings ever.
I took a million pictures.

The last day we drove to a beach on Lake Michigan and it was AMAZING.
The sand was like brown sugar. Literally. Color, texture, everything. It was warm and the leaves were perfect. I could live in that moment forever. Except for Ellie throwing a fit because we hadn't brought her swimsuit. I think I could live WITHOUT that moment.

No trip is without casualties. Derek left his best sweater in the Minneapolis airport and I somehow lost just one of my black church shoes before we even had church. Thankfully, Derek's sister wears my size AND has fabulous taste in shoes. :)

We drove a Ford Flex, Derek's dream car, and we really left a mess for Avis to clean up. Yikes. We found out the night before we left that Lydia had a major school project due the day we came home. Nice timing! We got in at 6 pm, ate dinner at 7ish and stayed up til 9:30 working on it with her - which was 12:30 Michigan time. Talk about tired! But what a trip!

The weather was unbelievable. We left clouds and rain and barely 60 degrees for sunshine, fall colors and 80 degrees. It was perfect! We wish we lived closer to these fun cousins and aunts and uncles, but we sure liked visiting new parts of the country to see them!

Procrastinated Project #4

2010-10-28T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today I mopped!

And that was pretty much it. But if you make it big and bold, it sounds like something exciting. It's been one of those days that reminds me how I procrastinate in the first place. There is TOO much to do! Why would it spend it putting beads on wire when I haven't mopped in well over a week? (at other houses, that's not a problem. But it's a BIG problem the way my little man eats!)

.....................................................

And I cried like a boob at the SLP office this morning. And most of the way home. AND I still have to go back for one more week, but hopefully I'll have come to terms with my emotions and be able to give her a nice "thank-you" something or other and be okay.

Procrastinated Project #3

2010-10-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

Today I did something unpleasant that I've been putting off for a couple weeks. Derek's company was recently acquired by a big, big, BIG company. It's good news for the partners and probably for the future of the company, but it's just pay cuts for the employees. Loss of pay combined with change in benefits (more loss of pay) = hard times for lots of folks at work. We feel blessed. It's all going to be fine. We've certainly had harder times than these!

In the shuffle of change, Carver's speech therapist (SLP) isn't covered under the new plan. We've been paying out of pocket for months now and the new plan covers 3 TIMES as many visits for a modest co-pay. (It's a major silver lining in all the changes.) I wanted to make it work to stay with our SLP, but the cut in pay makes the benefits too important to pass up. I called around to get on waiting lists (3-6 months on average) and a miracle happened. We'd been contacted earlier in the month for a local therapy center. We were out of town on the mysterious trip I've never blogged about and couldn't call before they gave the spot away. I called them today to get back on the list and she got us in immediately. It's totally amazing, a miracle in every sense. We'll save hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Maybe a thousand.

But I'm so, so sad. I've nearly cried twice today. I feel like a traitor because I've LOVED our speech therapist. She works well with Carver, she's let us scale back as our insurance wouldn't approve more visits. We go tomorrow and I have to tell her we're leaving. Is that crazy that I dread it so much?! It's for sure crazy to cry, but I will. I hate that I cry so easily. I cried last time we switched therapists, but these are special people to me - when someones makes a difference in my child's life, I guess I feel full of gratitude and loyalty even.

I'm glad I did what needed to be done, even though it was hard. In a couple weeks, I'll be so grateful that I didn't procrastinate this any longer. I wouldn't have wanted to miss the miracle, even if it's a bittersweet one.

Procrastinated Project #1 - 2

2010-10-26T14:47:00.000-07:00

YESTERDAY'S project:

For Halloween, Ellie wanted to be a pioneer girl. But our church Harvest party happened to be the weekend we got back from a big trip to the midwest (that I never blogged about) and I was swamped. She was super understanding about her lack of costume and was a cat again for the 4th time maybe? It's the classic fall-back plan around here. For the REAL Halloween, I promised her the costume. And, while it's not the night before, I still felt like it might be high time to do something about that promise. I consulted the fabric stash in my closet and found enough fabric to pull it together yesterday. She is so grateful and happy with it, she doesn't even mind all the imperfections! Whew! It turned out pretty cute, thanks to this pattern. Gotta love free tutorials online. :)

Also, I finally called on Carver's 5 year well-check and guess what? They don't even do those. :)

TODAY'S project was to fix this necklace:

Carver accidentally broke it while flailing his legs about one day a few months ago. It was the first time I'd worn it, so I gathered all the beads to "someday" fix it. Enough of waiting around. Today was the day! It didn't take very long and I think it'll stay. I'm not a jewelry maker, so I just did a lot of wrapping and twisting of wire. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Also today, I called our doctors about our new health insurance. The news wasn't as bad as I thought and at least now we can sign up without wondering what the damage will be at every visit.

Still to come - I'm VOTING today. Then Dino Rossi can stop calling for money. :) He can have my vote instead.

Mrs. Procrastinator

2010-10-25T12:13:00.000-07:00

I am terrible at procrastinating (or maybe I should say I'm EXCELLENT at procrastinating....) I put things off that I don't think I'll do well, things that sound intimidating and hard. Or boring. Or mundane. Or messy. Or sometimes just those projects that take a little time.

And then I feel like a failure because I always have a load of projects looming over me.

Take blogging, for example. I keep wondering what sorts of things I should blog about and never get around to it. So I'm going to use one favorite goal of mine to solve 2 problems:

DO 1 THING TODAY THAT I'VE BEEN PUTTING OFF

I get extra credit for multiple things. And I have to blog about them - at least this week.

Stay tuned.

Mommy School

2010-09-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

This year I'm not signing myself up for classes or making goals for my own education like last year.

I'm committed 100% to "Mommy School" with Carver and Grace. Between Carver's extra needs and Grace staying home this year before starting preschool next year, they both need it. And I slacked ALL summer. No more! It's school every morning as soon as we get those big sisters out the door. :)

We start on the bus (the couch) and sing "the wheels on the bus." We prefer babies and mommies for the verses. Then we walk in a smart little line over to the table and hang up backpacks. We talk about that particular day of the week and what we have planned, we sing the ABCs and work on letters. I copied an idea from Ellie's kindergarten class and do "rainbow letters" by using many colors to trace our letters inside some bubble letters that I draw pretty incompetently. We cut out pictures of things that start with that letter and glue them into our ABC books. Whew! The hard stuff is out of the way. Then we try to find a fun thing to count or some sort of activity. I love this part.

F is for Fire and Fire Fighters. They used straws to blow away those little fires.

G is for Goggles and Gloves. I got such a kick out of that one. :)

and then it just happened that D was for Dentist last week.

In a nutshell, Grace was worried and so she held very still. She got her teeth polished and flouride-d, sprayed with water and sucked with the sucker-thing, she even got x-rays of her front teeth. It was pretty darn impressive. Carver sat on my lap and watched.

Then everything fell apart. They switched and Carver wouldn't have any of that dental stuff. (longer story on his own blog.) Grace wasn't the center of attention anymore and was Done with a capital D. We left with Carver spraying the window with some water on the tool that the assistant thought he might like to see. Or touch a lot. And spray as often as possible. :) Whew. We didn't make a 6 month appointment. I'm still recovering. At least it was free, right?

I'm swamped with school schedules and trying not to be cranky for the few hours a day I see the big girls. I think I'm ready for summer vacation. :)

First day of school - part 2

2010-09-10T13:42:00.001-07:00

HIP HIP HURRAY!!

It's finally Carver's turn!
And boy, oh, boy am I excited.

And so is he - even if he insisted on strange faces.

We've been doing Mommy School every day this week and I am so impressed with how hard he's worked - both in writing and learning letter sounds and in other fine motor skills. It's been really rewarding to see. He and Grace LOVE it. They are such cute friends.

And just because she lets me, I took pictures of Grace while we waited for the bus to come.

Happy preschool to me!
:)

First day of school - part 1

2010-09-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's not really the first day of school to ME until Carver starts on Friday... :)

For Ellie and Lydia, yesterday was the big day.

Ellie's been excited since move-up last year when she met her new teacher, but she was all grumpies in the morning. I don't think she slept well the night before. Lydia'd been savoring every minute of summer, worrying a little about starting a new school with new friends and a new (harder) Discovery Program. But then she was a happy helper all morning! Go figure.

They both came home SO incredibly excited, talking all over each other about the fun things they did and how wonderful it all is. I love the first day of school!

Carver is all out of whack from a new routine, but we're hanging in there. Grace keeps telling people she's going to preschool, too, but really she's doing "Mommy School" one more year with me.

With Ellie's old backpack. :)

Last days of summer

2010-09-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

I kept meaning to take a picture of Carver's crocs. They lost one of the little circle tabs that hold the strap on, but I was determined to make them last another week. So I used a paperclip to secure them just til the end of the summer. They're pretty classy looking.... :)

That's how summer felt around here.

Like I was at my wit's end - barely hanging onto sanity. But at the same time, like I just wasn't ready to give it all up. Which definitely strengthens the case for my deteriorating mental state.

I loved lazy mornings. Not that I actually "slept" in or lounged around in my pjs, by any means. But we just had time to get ready at our own snail pace every single day. It was bliss. I also loved seeing the kids play with each other (when they weren't yelling or fighting about toys or hurting each other.) I even more LOVED visiting grandparents so much this summer - we are pretty darn lucky to live so close to them.

I was pretty proud of myself for taking pictures and looking at them on the computer once in a while, so collages are as good as it's getting around here. Carver hasn't started preschool yet and there is NO lunch break in this house.

We packed more fun into 48 hours with my parents than any of us thought possible. Omsi, swimming, This is Silver Falls, Oregon.

And then, because I'm a huge sucker for the beach and especially pictures at the beach... here's a sampling of the amazingly warm and wonderful weather we had on the Oregon Coast. We kept telling the kids it's practically a once in a lifetime experience. :)

We played in Spokane with Derek's parents:

And then last Saturday, it had the nerve to get all cloudy and rainy here. So we ran away for a quick day trip, over the mountains, to sunnier skies. Leavenworth, WA. If only we'd brought swim suits, it'd have been the PERFECT day. And maybe if we hadn't blown $50 on German hot dogs! Sheesh.

We spent Labor Day at Mt. Rainier. Derek summed it up perfectly when we wondered aloud why we'd driven 80 miles and paid $15 to eat dinner in our fridge. It was a whole lot chilly sitting at our picnic table! But we had a really pretty hike afterward and saw a little tiny bit of sunshine. But no mountain views that day. Still, it was great to have one more adventure before we're swallowed up by school, seminary, swimming and soccer. And piano and YW. :) Not all our commitments begin with "s."

Finally. I caught us up. Just in time, too - today was the first day of school and summer is officially over.

Summertime FACT or FICTION

2010-08-09T20:32:00.000-07:00

I won't read once the kids are home.

Fiction! It's my only "break" since there is no true peace and quiet around here. I'm becoming more and more desperately addicted as the summer continues. Where would I be without Percy Jackson?

We will do lots of summer "homework."
Fiction! Every year I think it'll happen and it never does. Once a week I get the girls to do a bunch of pages in their workbooks. There's still time to cram multiplication and time/money, right?!

Summer = shorts, sunscreen and popsicles
Fiction! This year has been cloudy with a strong chance of hoodies. You don't ever put your winter clothes away if you live in Seattle. Mostly this is okay. We don't have a/c and it gets stinkin' hot around here as soon as the clouds clear. But I feel so much happier on sunny mornings. I don't know how I'll cope when summer ends and the rain really starts.

A reward chart will help us be nice
Fact! It's been the best thing I've done in a long time. Just your basic path made up of squares. Every 10 is a reward. They color in a square for being extra kind to each other, serving each other or just playing nicely. They don't take advantage of it like I thought they might, but it's still been effective. I'll do it again next summer for sure! It also gives us good reasons to get slurpees and ice cream now and then. :)

We'll practice the piano all summer
Fact! Lessons are more consistent since we have a slower pace and I can help the girls practice more often. It's been great. SO much easier than during the school year.

We'll have chores every single day
Fiction! The only true success of the summer is that the girls rotate doing dishes every day - rinsing, loading and emptying the dishwasher. I wanted to train them in the summer so they could help with dinner dishes during the school year. It's worked - they are getting better and better at it. But that's it. So much for a chore chart!

I will do more playdates.
Fiction. I'm terrible at setting up playdates. I don't know why. So if you wonder why we never call you, now you know not to take it personally. I'm still hopeful that I'll get a couple in before school starts.

We can sleep in.
Fact and fiction. Carver gets up in the 6 o'clock hour every day. I make him sit in bed with me while I wake up slowly. Especially on cloudy mornings, it's hard to be excited to get up so early just to change diapers and start breakfast. But summer is a great time to give up naps. Grace goes to sleep so much better at bedtime now! These two just make up for it in the car. :)

I'll go to the lake more this year.
Fact! I have! I can take all the kids, Carver and Grace wear water wings and they are set. It's wonderful. But there have only been a handful of warm enough days. :(

I'll be counting down the days til school starts
Fiction! Despite the fights and the messes and the incredible desire to take a nap or run away from home most afternoons about 4:30, I love choosing our own schedule. The girls didn't want to do a single camp this summer and it's been a really nice change of pace from the busy school year. Ellie wishes she'd have signed up for swimming or art, but we're making the most of our time at home. The kids are being kids, we're making messes faster than we can clean them up, and using grumpy voices more than I'd like. But still, I'm savoring these last few weeks before it's back to school!

THREE at last

2010-08-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

Miss Angelina Ballerina had a birthday on August 2nd. She got two parties, though - one with Grandma and Grandpa Eucker after we got home from the Ragnar and one on her real birthday. It was a little confusing there for awhile, as she INSISTED that her birthday was already over.

She'd patiently waited through her big sisters' birthdays
this summer, telling us constantly,
"I'm a big girl ALREADY."
And if she wasn't before her birthday, she sure is now.

We told her that 3 year olds wear panties. And sure enough, this 3 year old does! (Not without promptings and accidents, mind you. But we're on the right track.) She knew that if she could wear panties to church, she could sleep in a big girl bed. So tonight is her first night out of the crib. I didn't bring along the blankie and yu-yum (pacifier) and she didn't ask for them. I sang her songs and tucked her in, laid down next to her for awhile to help her relax. But she was just too excited to sleep. She kept smiling for no reason except that she gets to sleep in Ellie's old bed. She even picked to use Ellie's old quilt. Grace ADORES that particular big sister. And she loves to be 3.

Grace is all about doing big girl things and doing them HERSELF. You can get to do almost anything if you make it into a choice or something that big girls do. So pretty much, she's already got the hang of what it means to be 3.

I love, love, love this littlest one of mine!

Ragnar 2010

2010-07-27T15:52:00.001-07:00

Last weekend I did the CRAZIEST thing I've ever done.

Derek and I ran in the Ragnar Relay - Northwest Passage.

187 miles
12 runners
(6 couples)
2 vans
29 hours

PERSONAL STATS:
3 hours of sleep
3 "legs" of the race
15.6 miles
1 shower

It all started back in February maybe? Friends in the ward started a team, another friend asked if we wanted to do it. Are you crazy? I had started running in October with 30 miles for my 30th birthday and ended up with shin splints. I'm sure I hadn't run more than 40 miles in my entire life. I must have been crazy because I signed us up!

Months of training, hundreds of miles of running later...

We drove up to Blaine, WA, (which is within 100 yards of Canada) the night before, walked on the beach and ate a yummy dinner with our van - 2 very fun couples and us.

We got up in the morning on Friday and watched van #1 get started at 8:00 am. We explored Birch Bay while they ran and then took our turn around 1:30 pm.

It was SO stinkin' hot that first day. I swear I've never been that hot, but it was "only" 80 degrees. 6.1 miles downhill, running on a highway without shade. I was still beet red hours later.

Once our van had finished their runs, we showered and tried to sleep.

After that didn't work, we got ready to run again. Our van started running about 10:30? I ran at 1:00 am, more or less. An easy 2.7 miles through neighborhoods in Anacortes. Our van finished at about 3:30, we were in our sleeping bags in a HS gym by 4:15. I fell asleep instantly, despite zippers and footsteps, whispers and even a fire alarm. Seriously. I woke up at 7, refreshed and ready to run again. Actually, my stomach hurt with the fear of my last "very hard" leg. I wanted to hide in my sleeping bag forever.

But I was the luckiest of the lucky and had a BEAUTIFUL run.
Yes, it was a hilly 6.8 miles along a highway. But it was shady and gorgeous and I felt strong and happy. Derek met me with water and I told him, "I eat hills for lunch!" I needed to say it out loud to make it true. It was the BEST run of my life. I LOVED it! Not my fastest time (thanks to those hills), but I finally learned to let go on the downhill and just FLEW into the transition where my teammate was waiting. It was incredible.

We supported our other runners as they finished in the grueling heat (I felt really guilty about my perfect run, let me tell you) and our team finished at 1:30 Saturday afternoon in Langley, WA (the southern tip of Whidbey Island).

HIGHLIGHTS:

I loved how every spouse was concerned when it was their husband/wife running. It was true for each couple - we always wanted to be sure they were okay. I LOVED running it with Derek. He is such a good sport - he hates running and he took 2 vacation days to do this. All that nasty training, too. I sure love that guy!

Nothing tastes so good as a bagel with cream cheese or turkey after a run.

Our van drank 50 bottles of water.

The anxiety of waiting to run was worse than actually running. I was really nervous before both of my big "legs."

I've never smelled so bad in my ENTIRE life. After that first shower, I ran and slept in my running clothes, changed into new running clothes, ran again and rode home in my filth. EW.

I could hardly walk up the stairs for 2 days I was so sore. OUCH!

We kept saying we'd never need to do another Ragnar. But you get home and start getting nostalgic almost at once. It's like childbirth - eventually you forget the pain and then you end up doing it again. Who knows? Maybe there's another Ragnar in my future.

For now, I'm just going to keep running.

ANOTHER Birthday Girl

2010-07-03T20:41:00.001-07:00

Oh, I love this Ellie girl of mine!

It's finally HER birthday,
just 10 LONG days after Lydia's.

And what a GREAT sport she is!

She's got a special place in our family.
-BIG sister and LITTLE sister-
-full of spunk and determination to keep up-
-a great ability to focus when she starts something-
-and a true, thoughtful friend-

We love you, Ellie!!
Happy 7th birthday.

In case you're bored this summer

2010-06-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

Ellie's put together a fabulous list of things you can do.

It's from a trip to Grandma's house, but it applies well to summer vacation.

It makes me smile every time I see it.
:)

Birthday Girl

2010-06-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

I sure love this birthday girl of mine.

9 whole years old.
WOW.

Where have the years gone?

Too bad I can't squeeze her and kiss her like that anymore!
But I love the grown-up version of Lydia just as much.

Pierced

2010-06-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

She had permission last year when she turned 8,
but she wasn't ready until her younger cousin Katie did it first.
She watched the video of it on their blog...
but said "after school gets out."
then "after my birthday."

So the first day of summer vacation, I up and asked her,
"do you want to get your ears pierced today?"

and she said, YES!

It was a regular Howell family circus in Icing.
Carver tangled a bunch of necklaces.
Grace and Ellie fell in love with all things sparkly.
All three were sticky from suckers the lady gave them.

Lydia picked pretty turquoise earrings first thing.
She was so brave, even though they were pierced one at a time.

Aren't they perfect?
Lydia is so grown up!

Instead of blogging

2010-06-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

Excuses, excuses. I've been a terrible blogger. I'm not even good at facebook and that's MUCH quicker. But somehow it seems too clever for me or something. Anyway, this is what I've been doing instead of blogging.

I never posted the cute pictures from our visit to my parents' house that made the Bend trip even possible. My new tradition of porch pictures as we leave the grandparent's house. I sincerely hope they forgive me for torturing us like this every time, but aren't they fun to see?

My dad took these at the really cool park by their house. It is AMAZING to have such a good picture of Carver. I love this one!

In addition to Carver's wound care for burns, Grace wanted to join the party. After we walked in the front door from our Bend trip, she ran out and stuck her finger in Derek's bike wheel. He said, "Don't play with my bike, you'll get hurt" about 1 second before she cried out in pain. Lots of blood and tears, a quick trip to the ER later and we've got wound care for the littlest one, too. I really don't play nurse well, so my dad and Derek were there for this one. Despite their best efforts, Grace felt every stitch and so they didn't do very many. Done small, there could've been 8 or so? Grace doesn't like to see it. I'm totally with her on that. Discoloration, swelling, sloughing, it's enough to give me anxiety about my kids walking around the house! Fortunately for all of us, there's a Dora bandaid when you need one. And believe me, it HAS to be Dora. :)

And of course, school ended this week. Carver "graduated" from one year of preschool to the next - in style. The goggles were a gift from his teacher.

Oh, the joy of the last day of school. I'm glad that I could walk to the bus stop to see these cute girls come barreling off the bus - in RAIN COATS, for crying out loud.

It was Carver's last day, too. What a little crumb-cake. He looks so big kid right there.

This year I'm super excited to have these crazy kids home with me. We've had tears and fighting, potty training moments, enormous messes and a wild trip to the mall already. But I think we're all ready for a change of pace and I sure love having the freedom to do whatever we want - like chores and errands, birthday party planning and piano practicing. I really look forward to the sunny days at the park. Those are coming, right?

Getaway to Bend

2010-05-30T20:11:00.000-07:00

We owe my parents big time - they watched our kids while we escaped for 2 days and a night to Bend, OR. They took on Grace and her hunger strikes, Carver and his burn care, the girls and their bickering. We were tempted to come back sometime next month.

I was surprised how nice it felt to get out of the western Oregon/Washington forest and into some more arid climate. It was gorgeous. This is where we mountain biked Friday afternoon:

Yep - you read that right.... WE (as in me, too!) went mountain biking. It was my first time, so I was a little tentative at first, but once I realized that I could pedal up hills and ride over roots and rocks without trouble, it was a LOT of fun. My favorite part of the trip.

We rode along the Deschutes River between these two waterfalls, which were great motivation to keep going. This is Dillon Falls:

And this is Benham Falls, which isn't really tall but still beautiful:
Saturday morning, we ran a grueling 5 miles in MUCH higher elevation than I'm accustomed to, but it was nice to run together for a change. That afternoon, on our way back to the kids, we stopped and hiked almost to the top of Black Butte, but I have completely irrational fears about getting sucked off the trail by the steep edge of the mountain. We had to turn around when the trees stopped protecting me from the gravitational pull of the cliff. But it was really gorgeous up there.

What a rejuvenating trip! We ate restaurants without high chairs or kid menus, we drove hours without passing toys around or breaking up fights. We remembered again what it's like to be just us - how it feels to be in love. And goofy. Plenty of teasing and laughing and acting like kids. Thanks, Derek - I love you!

Why we camp

2010-05-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why we like to camp.

It takes almost an entire day to pack, assemble all the gear, plan, buy and prepare meals and then load it all into the van. Flashlights and coats and sweaters and chairs and bikes and sunscreen we'll forget to put on and food that Grace will refuse to eat. Then we get there and set up the tent, unload the van and get everything really dirty. We stay up really late and then put the kids to bed on the floor and sleep terribly all night long. Sniffing kids, cold feet, cold kids, Carver twisting and turning in his sleeping bag. We get up too early, eat breakfast and start the taking-down process. Put all the dirty stuff back in the van and drive our grimy, grumpy, worn out selves home. Then we empty the van again to clean all that dirty camping gear and our nasty dirty selves and go to bed ASAP. Whew! Good thing Derek has such big muscles for all that work... :)

But, on the other hand.... we went camping with friends for the first time in a long time and LOVED seeing the kids all run around together, riding bikes and playing hide-and-seek in the trees. We rode bikes as a family down to the river and around the campsites and it was beautiful! This is the field where we camped.

The kids loved playing in the cool tipi skeleton and the tent in the back of the picture.

The girls rode their bikes to the river by themselves, stuck together and felt so grown up. And I only worried a tiny bit. :)

We LOVE this campground, which is owned by our church, because it has a great little pond-ish body of water with canoes, pony rides, a HUGE slip-n-slide in the summer, nice little trails and lots of trees. It doesn't have campsites exactly, just clearings and general areas for tents and cars and stuff. It's not far from home and now we even know it's close to a great urgent care (see the next post for more on that). It's pretty much perfect. We didn't have time for the canoes and it wasn't warm enough for the slip-n-slide, but we did get to visit the stables.

The pony rides were just me leading Reuben the horse around a poop covered field with my kids sitting on his back. I spent the time counting down the minutes and trying to convince myself- and Reuben- that I knew what I was doing (neither of us really believed it). If he didn't want to go a certain way, that was fine with me. I just "led" us the other way. :) The best part was that Carver and Grace were wearing crocs, which wasn't allowed. And Lydia had on Keens, which was also a problem. So Ellie graciously shared her shoes with her younger siblings. I'm not exactly clear on why that's safer, especially in Grace's case since Ellie's shoes are 6 sizes bigger than her feet. Lydia required more creativity. She ended up wearing my running shoes and I wore Derek's bike shoes! Clown shoes and all, everyone got to ride Reuben.

The kids loved seeing the big dipper, playing with friends and eating chocolate bars by the campfire. Hearing the wind in the trees, gazing at the night sky and seeing those happy, dirty faces makes it ALL worth it. :)

Facing one of my fears

2010-05-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

I've always been afraid of a few things. Spiders, snakes, the dark, heights and fire. Friday night I came face to face with the last one. We went camping (more on that later) and Carver got burned. I'm not exactly sure why I even want to blog about it - my heart rate is increasing and I'm starting to sweat and feel anxious just thinking about it. But he's okay and there were so many little miracles. And I guess it's on my mind so much, I need to write it all down.

We were all kinda hanging around the campfire after dinner, starting s'mores in the semi-dark. There were at least 10 adults, maybe 20ish kids? It was a little after 9 pm. I heard Carver cry and knew it was a pain cry. I turned around, saw him running around and freaking out. This was by far the scariest part to me. I chased after him, equally freaking out, and yelling "what's wrong? What's wrong?" I kept looking all over, thinking of burns and animal bites on arms or legs. My friend, Melissa, hurried over and noticed some ash on the back of his shirt. Sure enough, we lifted it up and saw several burned places on his back. The back of his diaper was melted away and so were parts of his nylon shorts. Honestly, it was less yucky that I would've thought - but I'll spare you details all the same. It was from one of those charcoal lighter chimney things that was on the ground - but no one knows how it happened, if he fell or leaned against it or what. There are 2 big sections of 2nd degree burns, probably about 2 inches high and 3-4 inches wide, on his lower back. There was another smaller burn up on his back that is really only a 1st degree burn and it's already healing.

Derek held him and eventually took him to our tent to put an ice pack on it (not a super cold one, but I guess you aren't supposed to do that - oops) and Carver calmed down really quickly. Derek is steady and calm - a perfect guy to have around in an emergency - and Carver benefited from that peace. I was having a hard time settling down with lots of people crowded around and talking at the same time. Between the noise and the adrenalin from the emergency situation, it was hard to think and figure out what to DO. I called our after-hours nurse from our cell phone and she helped me find an Urgent Care just 10 minutes away that was open to 11. I was going to go along and have a friend watch the girls, but asked Carver if he wanted me to come or stay with the tent and he was emphatic about me staying. He was disappointed to have to get out of his sleeping bag because he'd been looking forward to sleeping in the tent, but he went with Derek. I stayed with the girls, made myself eat a s'more and then put all the girls to bed. We talked a little about Carver, how he was fine and then I sang them lots of songs while they laid like little angels in their sleeping bags, all in a row.

Derek brought Carver home at about 11:30 and said he'd been AMAZING. They cleaned the wound and Carver hardly flinched. The nurses said that it makes grown men scream in pain, but this little boy of ours is tough as nails. It can be a blessing to have an under-sensitivity to touch at times like these, but I'm still completely baffled at why it doesn't hurt him more. It's a huge blessing. They gave us antibiotic ointment and bandages. We change those twice a day and he doesn't like having the bandages come off, but he doesn't cry out in pain. He won't sit down in the bathtub, which is probably a good thing. And he doesn't lift his legs well for diaper changes, so I know there is a level of discomfort. But otherwise, he's acting totally normal. I think I'll need to take him to our regular doctor tomorrow just to be sure it looks okay. There are half a dozen tiny, tiny spots of 3rd degree burns (like smaller than a pin head), but I don't think there is any concern over those. Or at least nothing to be done. Everything I've heard and read says that it won't leave a scar. But I'm not too concerned about that.

I sure wish I'd brought our bigger first aid kit, but we did get out the emergency card in our little one that stays in the van. I wish I paid better attention to first aid in general. It scares the heck out of me to imagine my kids getting hurt, but it's a terrible feeling not to know what to do.

I'm so grateful that it's on his back, not his hands or arms, feet or legs. His back is easy to keep clean, is nice and flat to bandage and is covered by clothes. I'm so grateful that his clothes didn't catch on fire. I'm grateful for my wonderful friend, Melissa, who stayed with me and talked through it all, held Grace while I talked to the nurse and offered to watch my kids. I'm so grateful for a close, clean, empty Urgent Care! I'm so grateful for Derek's steadiness, for the way he took care of my sweet little guy, and put up with my freak-out mode. Most of all, I'm so grateful for Carver, that he is safe and sound.

Because I'm a Mom...

2010-05-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

...I share my clothing budget with 4 growing kiddos

...My kisses make everything better

...sometimes it's just hard and I get so tired.

...I hug and squeeze the same 4 year old that makes me CRAZY

...I get to go to mother-daughter activity days with Lydia today
and "Muffins for Mom" tomorrow with Ellie

...I have to say the same things a MILLION times
(close the door, put your shoes away,
don't sit on Grace, have you brushed your teeth?)

...I teach ABC's, multiplication, piano, potty training, and how to get dressed-
and MORE - all in the same day

...I always wish I did more or maybe just better.

...I cried and cried watching Stephanie Nielson's youtube video last night

It reminded me of how sometimes I get caught up in the wiping tables and bottoms, sweeping floors and folding laundry, running errands and herd on Carver.

But that's just HOUSEKEEPING.

I want to MOTHER.

Not just BE a mother, but really make it a verb. This morning we didn't have to go anywhere. I was tempted to run to Target and replace my melted colander and the hand mixer with the melted cord (don't ask). But we spend so much time running around, we needed a morning at home.

We did play-foam,
beans and rice,
swinging,
potty training
puzzles,
watched a movie and
made puppets out of lunch bags.

I still needed to keep switching laundry and taking care of meals, but it felt good to sit by Carver and pretend to eat a giant ice cream mountain and make little meatballs with playfoam.

How many times does he ask "sit with me, Mommy?"
How many times do I tell him, "in a minute?"

Stephanie Nielson reminded me that it's all about just being there. In her case, STILL being there. Her kids don't care what she looks like, what clothes fit and which ones don't. They are just happy to have a mom who loves them and takes care of them the best she can.

I love remembering what being the mom is all about.

Spokane in the spring

2010-05-04T14:22:00.000-07:00

Derek needed to finish getting his motorcycle endorsement,

the weather was gorgeous, who needs school?
We took a long weekend to drive to Spokane.

Derek rode 3 kinds of bikes with his dad.
The girls shopped with me, which was torture in the extreme.
(but I found jeans and that's so worth the whining!)
We ate at Rockwood Bakery - just the BIG girls. YUM!

Carver and Grace played in Grandma's dress-up.
Carver is a dragon ninja-tiger-vampire...

Grace rotated between ballerinas and flappers mostly.
But I was too lazy to get the camera from WAY upstairs. :)
She also ate toast. (That was right next to the camera.)

Ellie left helpful clues for navigating around the house.

I went on a nice, long run...
and still can't believe those words belong in the same sentence.
Much less spoken by ME!

It can be so. much. work. to get away sometimes.
But it's always so worth it when we do!
Thanks, Grandma and Grandpa Howell!

Who's TRAINING who?!

2010-04-22T21:06:00.000-07:00

We gave it our all for 4-5 days, but then we went to Grandma's house. And now our real life is too crazy for full time potty training. So it's part-time. Like Thurs-Sat and an occasional random moment.

She wakes up dry, goes on the toilet without a problem and loves her panties. BUT I have to tell her to go and sometimes that's a bit of a circus. I'm desperate, though. So I jump through ALL the hoops. We've got sticker charts to earn presents, candy, songs and dances. I even let her sit on the toilet anywhere she wants...

On a "school bus ride" with her siblings.
(she went right away.)

Today she didn't want to get up from her nap and did NOT want to sit on her potty. She conceded to sitting on it on the porch to wait for Carver's bus.
(It didn't work.)

And, of course, the bathroom is stocked with all her favorite toys.
The strawberry house is a big hit.
It fits perfectly on the toilet.

I've painted nails, played Pretty Pretty Princess, read books, had Ellie play with her (which they both love). I try to make it her favorite place to be. If she knew how much power she had over me, she'd stop pouting about it and start asking for things!!

I'm not sure what else to do except keep trying and wait for it to click. Any day now, right?!

Pile it on

2010-03-29T20:51:00.001-07:00

Lydia reads stacks of books...
...all at the SAME TIME!!!
This is a group I rounded up recently.

I am highly monogamous when it comes to reading - only ONE at a time. I make exception for non-fiction that can coexist gracefully with fiction. Notice, also, how many books marks are within pages of the end of the book (the top in this picture).

This is completely bewildering to me.

I can put a book down for the first 5 chapters maybe and after that, I'm a goner. I might not finish projects I start, but I sure as heck finish my book! "The point of no return" I call it, when I MUST finish and everything else has to wait. Lydia must not have that. I asked her once and she said that just when it gets exciting, she remembers another book. AUGH!!! I try not to force her into finishing books, but it makes me nuts if I think about it too long.

Carver creates PILES and PILES of laundry.
I do it twice a week, Mondays and Thursdays. This is from a Monday after a warm weekend so it represents 3-4 days worth of clothes. Or, in this case, pretty much all the clothes in his dresser. Saturdays are generally a dirty day around here with lots of outside play, but this was ridiculous!

Grace's pile of fries
I left Grace to finish her happy meal while I started a piano lesson.
She ate and talked and wandered around and finally declared herself "all done."

Then I found her stash:

Mmmmm.... nothing like neatly swept up french fries!
I don't think she ate a single one.

I nearly took a picture of my piles of stinky diapers, but I decided that we could all visualize that with no trouble whatsoever. But believe you me, I have HEAPS of diapers at the end of the day, piled up neatly (or not so neatly) in the garage. Mostly it's Carver's doing, but that is a subject for another post that I'm sure no one needs to read. :)

But Grace's days are numbered - Wednesday we're pulling out the piles of panties!
(And I still haven't settled on my rightful reward...)

My potty training pin

2010-03-22T20:14:00.000-07:00

The time has come. Grace needs to be potty trained. I've waited and waited, hoping that by some strange turn of fate she'd do it by herself. I am deeply scarred from potty training Ellie - really and truly. That girl is Stubborn with a capital S and we went head to head about the toilet. In the end, she came around when she thought I wasn't looking. Until then, it was pretty much worse case scenario. So now I'm dragging my feet in a big way.

And the crazy part is that Grace is almost there! She tells me about every wet diaper, we've had success on both fronts on the toilet and she wakes up dry from bedtime and naps on a regular basis. What could she be missing?

Um, me?! We have been so busy with speech and swimming and visiting teaching and errands and playdates and everything else that I always have a good reason not to do it. We're not home long enough to potty train! But somethings got to give. And I have a new plan. Instead of bribing Grace to potty train, I'm going to bribe MYSELF. Kinda like the pin that Eagle Scouts give their mom after their mom does their project for them. But I haven't decided what my great reward is... any ideas?

I love these girls

2010-03-12T20:12:00.000-08:00

Lydia comes home most days covered in mud from the soccer field.

This was a particularly exciting game... she slid for the ball.

Ellie spent an afternoon sending us all notes on her stationery.
Her honesty cracks me up.

These two have always been the best of friends.
That means there is more than a little competition at times.
But they stick together when it counts.

A big girl named Grace

2010-02-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

We taught Grace how to climb INTO her crib.
And you can guess what she learned after that, right?

(I have a great video of her tiny little self stretching her leg
over the side of the crib, but it won't post.)

What were we THINKING?!! I'm sure I don't know.

Favorite Grace-isms of late:

I'm a big girl named Grace.

My name is Grace. I'm 2.

I love it. It's my favorite!

"high-tights" (or something like that!) = tights

I love you really much.

"tiny girls" = triangles

It's my dream come true!

"oak-a-meal" = oatmeal

Daddy going to BigDonalds and get me a happy oak-a-meal!

Carver/Ellie/Lydia no love me (when they aren't nice to her)

I do it myself.

I need to find a boy.

That last one has a story behind it. A few weeks ago, I went to the temple with the teenagers in our ward. It was one of those nights I met Derek there and swapped cars so he could take the kids home. All the kids were excited to see the beautiful temple spire as we got close. Grace was most excited of all. She started exclaiming, "I'm going to get married in the temple!" and it became apparent that she meant sooner rather than later. As in RIGHT then. I told her she had to grow up some more and wait about 20 years. She insisted she was a BIG GIRL and that she wanted to get married in the temple. I insisted that she could not. She had to find a boy to marry anyway - Carver doesn't count in this situation. (She's always making him be the prince.) It quieted her for a minute, but she was still pretty sure I was wrong - or maybe she was just mad at me for being right.

After all, she is a big girl named Grace. She's 2. And that pretty much explains it all.

Bibbity, bobbity boo!

2010-02-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

The kids had Friday off, so we headed to Costco after storytime at the library. I herded all four of them through the parking lot, where Grace picked up a stick and started singing “salaga doola, menchaga doola.” I plopped Carver and Grace in the cart, hoping she wouldn’t whack him with her newly acquired magic wand, and headed towards our free lunch by way of Superbowl samples. Somewhere in electronics, Lydia cries “Grace is putting the metal stick in her mouth!” Huh? What metal stick? Where would she get a metal stick? I finally looked at her and realized that she’s been swinging around something narrow, metal and about 2 feet long. I pulled it out of her mouth in a hurry and inspected the would-be food item. It was an OIL DIPSTICK. She had oil around the corners of her mouth and I was horrified that I didn’t have wipes with me to remove the evidence from her sweet face. I used my hands to hastily clean her mouth and tossed the terrible item in the cart. I tried to cover it with Ellie’s coat and high-tailed it to the nearest garbage can before anyone could wonder what on earth I had collected. I still don’t know how the heck an oil dipstick managed to break loose of life under the hood and find a new start in the parking lot of Costco. But honestly, the rest of the story makes perfect sense.

To bowl or not to bowl

2010-01-28T15:37:00.000-08:00

Today was disco bowling for the first graders at our school. Parents, grandparents, other doting adults were invited to come see our children bowl to pop music and a few colored lights illuminating from a small disco ball on the gymnasium stage.

It meant waking Grace up early from her nap, but it was otherwise convenient enough since Carver was at preschool. Ellie was thrilled to see me there. I got lots of hugs and kisses and excited waves. Grace was still not excited to be out of the warm, happy realm of blankies and yum-yums. By the end of the 30 minute disco party, Grace left my arms for short intervals of frenzied dancing or to crawl around on the floor as a puppy. But mostly, I held her and we watched.

Without going into excruciating details, let’s just suffice it to say that Ellie is not a talented bowler.

I watched her struggle with each awkward throw, bend over in exaggerated sighs when the ball stopped short of the pins A-GAIN, and run determinedly to assist with the pins while her friends took a turn. She told me at one point that she loved bowling. They’ve been doing it every day in PE and it’s way better than jogging. But she’s NEVER, not once, gotten a strike. (Isn’t it interesting that she wasn’t concerned that her ball didn’t stay in the lane or that it rarely made contact with even 1 pin - never mind all 10?) I tried to coach her a couple times, but mostly I just watched and cheered her on.

And through it all, I kept thinking, hmm… we really should take our kids bowling!

When your kids don’t succeed at something, what do YOU do? I realized last year that I was looking for summer activities to compensate for the girls’ natural weaknesses instead of nurturing their innate abilities. I had signed them up for sports camps and skipped the library story times at the park. We’ve got that reading thing covered…we already do lots of art projects at home, I said to myself. Then something clicked and I realized I had it all backwards. I got wise and had them take a summer painting class from a local artist last year. It was fabulous. They loved it and I felt like I was actually catering to their strengths rather than their weaknesses. The goal is to build self-confidence, right? Not establish early on that it’s important to know how to do everything in life, or that it isn’t okay to be below average at anything in THIS family.

As Anna Quindlen put it so well:

"When you were first born, each of you, our great glory was in thinking you absolutely distinct from every baby who had even been born before. You were a miracle of singularity, and we knew it in every fiber of our being.... But we are only human... and over the years we learned to want for you things that you did not necessarily want for yourself.... We learned to suspect, even fear your differences, not to celebrate them. Sometimes we were convinced conformity would make life better, or at least easier for you. Sometimes we had a hard time figuring out where you ended and we began."

I asked Ellie tonight if she’d like to go bowling sometime and she immediately replied, yes! And I hope that we both know that it’s for fun - not because she needs the practice.

walking in our shoes

2010-01-20T15:32:00.001-08:00

thanks to Merideth for this clever idea.

don't shoes say a lot about a person?

from worn-out princess shoes
to shiny red boots,
from fringed suede
to purple crocs

I love the collection around here!

Funniest Home Movie EVER

2010-01-18T20:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, we've probably had other good ones, too. But not in a long, long time.
Watch it to the very end for Carver's classic table "manners."

We try so hard not to laugh when he does that!
...but man-oh-man can that kid burp!! :)

A thousand words

2010-01-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

If a picture is worth a thousand words...
I've got some serious writing to do. :)

We've been having a warm winter around these parts -
Not more than a sprinkling of snowflakes dusting our lawn
so the kids have been DYING for snow
Can't say I miss having feet of snow at my house, though.
We left our chores at home and drove up the mountain pass today
with new sleds, hot chocolate mix, a backpacking stove
and a dozen oatmeal chocolate chip cookies

If only it wasn't raining and too dangerous for Mom's camera.
If only there were pictures of...

the bright snowsuits against the clean white snow
pink cheeks and noses under warm snow hats
a heap of laughing kids at the bottom of the hill
the way Grace would just lay there when she fell off the sled
Carver and Grace going down the sleds on their "bellies"
pulling them up the hill on the sleds
Grace's eyes hidden by her darling hat
Lydia's face as she FLEW down the big hill with Dad
racing 3 to a sled and crashing together at the bottom
the HUGE puddles of water on the roads since it was raining :)
Ellie mooching a ride on the sled anytime she could
me - because I was there, too!
It felt so good to play and not have a baby to look after!!

Oh, it was so fun!
so worth loads of laundry, cold feet & cookie crumbs in the van
I think 2010 is going to be a good year.

Resolute

2009-12-31T16:24:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to make resolutions this year.
They are always along the same lines:

Exercise

Finish house projects

Read my scriptures more

Don't raise my voice

Organize my house

This year my usual resolutions are just not gonna cut it.
Because (dang it!) I never manage to keep them.
And I'm ALWAYS working on those.

Instead, I think I'm going to try to BE more resolute.

Unyielding Decisive Firm Determined

What a cool word!

for the love of DINNER

2009-11-30T21:11:00.001-08:00

What's for dinner?

The worst part of every day is facing that terrible question. So lately I've been branching out, way out to the tippy edges of branches that shouldn't be walked on. Or even considered.

For example, butternut squash cannelloni. It looked something like this:

But mine wasn't nearly so pretty. It's from Everyday Food and it seemed like a good idea at the time. We'd branch out to that butternut squash inside yummy lasagne noodles, enjoy a little ricotta over the top. What's not to love? Who'll notice a little squash with all that noodle-cheese goodness? Well, Ellie for one. I coached her so carefully. Deep breathing through the nose, a glass of water nearby. And then I said those fateful words. "Careful, Ellie. I don't want you to spray that all over the table." She tried, I'm sure she did. But then she sprayed that cannelloni all over the table in a huge gagging motion. I won't be making that one again. Ever.

One day I decided that instead of feeding my family chili from a can, I'd impress them all with my homemade chili. From DRIED beans, I'll have you know. And then I guess I ventured too far out on those vegetable branches again and added red and green peppers. The chili is in the freezer now, for my own personal lunch-time consumption. It's not as popular as it's much easier canned cousin.

A couple weeks ago, I decided we all needed to have brussel sprouts. Because how can you not like something you've never had? And I'd never had them, but had a secret suspicion that I just might be one of those kinds of people who eat brussel sprouts when no one is looking. And I was right - they were delicious browned in olive oil and sprinkled with salt and pepper (like this recipe but without the cheese). Truly a treat. But my family is NOT that kind of family.

A couple really yummy sweet potato soups (click here -but use the cream! - and here) hit the spot for me this fall. Did you know that actual sweet potatoes aren't orange and MUCH more easily disguised than those bright orange ones? Good to know if you've got little ones with sharp eyes for anything unusual popping up at the dinner table.

I must be a glutton for punishment because there is no end of "no like it" and "no thank you noodles, no thank you peas" at our house and yet, I continue to go out on a limb at dinnertime. Because there is NOTHING so cute as Carver saying as he clears his plate, "this was the most delicious dinner ever EVER, Mommy!"

It must have been a canned chili and toast night.

Lately

2009-11-23T21:04:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking that this here blog needs a fresh post after that preachy one. Sometimes something comes over me and I have this need to write things I'm thinking about and it comes out sounding like a talk over the pulpit. I'm afraid that people might start thinking things - like maybe things are nice and orderly around here. That maybe we're walking around all grateful for each other and our delicious dinners that Mommy made. Just in case you might be in that delusional state, I'm here to clear things up for you. And to point out that you must not have read the profound things my kids are grateful for. Webkinz. Water. Ears. Streatch? I'm pretty sure the goal was to see who could write the MOST feathers the fastest.

Every night, we check on Grace repeatedly to make sure she has her clothes on. Because she mostly doesn't. When we tuck her in, we say "goodnight, Grace. I love you. KEEP YOUR JAMMIES ON!" She says okay and then strips down after we leave. She covers herself up with a blanket and we just put them back on to keep her from freezing in the middle of the night. But on at least half a dozen occasions, she's reverted completely to her birthday suit. One priceless nap I wished I'd snapped a picture of that little bum up in the air and her diaper tossed rebelliously to the floor, but you'll have to make do with her desperate attempts to reclothe herself after waking up. Grace also talks nonstop, repeating and repeating until we answer her. And even then, sometimes she doesn't stop.

Carver's into leaves. And a strict avoidance of peanuts. Except for his daily PB&J. :) He's always checking with us to see if something has peanuts in it. But really, Carver's big thing lately is helping with his strong muscles. Nothing makes this kid's day like helping out. It's not always quite what I had in mind, but we'll get there. The other day, Grace was reminding us that she's afraid of worms and Carver chimed in with "I'm not afraid worms. Worms friends. Worms tickle me." Very cute. OH! And Carver says he's going to be a football player when he grows up so he can tackle people. Grace has been echoing this dream and adding that when she grows up to play football, "boys tackle me!"

Lydia's soccer season wrapped up a couple weekends ago. Their team started so strong, but the games got tougher and tougher as the season went by. Lydia was a trooper, playing in rain and thunder and running harder and longer than she ever thought she could. She's still playing soccer at ALL her recesses! She loved playing goalie, but it sure stressed me. I'm not one to sign up for that kind of pressure.

Some of us are less enthusiastic about the sport. This is Ellie's 3rd season as a faithful fan and I think she's ready to retire. What do you think? But in her defense... BRRR.... some of those games were COLD!! Ellie's braving a whole new world in January and playing basketball. I'm excited to see how it goes! At least it's inside, right?

Whew. I feel better already. Much more normal around here.

more than THANK-YOU

2009-11-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

Monday was my night to teach a lesson in Family Home Evening and the perfect time for the thankful turkey to make an appearance this year. It's become a family tradition.

This year, I wanted to talk about what it means and feels like to be grateful. I think I got a lot more out of the conversation than the kiddos, but they cooperated nicely. :)

When you're grateful...
you cherish what you have and treat it kindly
you aren't jealous of what other people have
you aren't thinking as much about yourself
you don't complain
you remember who your blessings are from
you feel happy, content, peaceful, patient

I've been thinking all week about how gratitude changes behavior and how, more than anything, this year I have gratitude goals. I could list my blessings, but I want gratitude to change me.

I want to act grateful to be a MOTHER. I want to cherish my children more, treat them with love and respect and tenderness. I want to complain less about diapers and laundry and dishes. I want to be grateful for my kids' individuals strengths and abilities and not try to mold them into anything else.

I want to act more grateful for my HOUSE. It's not fancy, it's not big, but it's our first. And I sure want to give it my best. I want to keep it more organized, decorated and homey. I want to feel content with what I've got. And not whine when it's time to mop the floor again.

I want to be more grateful for the SAVIOR this season. I want to remember all He gave to us and give to others around me in return. I want to be more like Him, even when it's hard and I get selfish with my time and energy. I want to be grateful for forgiveness and repentance, so grateful that I take advantage of it more often.

I want to find new things to be grateful for every day.

Like wheels on grocery carts.
And Carver's strong muscles to carry in groceries.
For a little bit of rain instead of a lot of rain.
Cleaner closets.
Christmas wrapping paper.
Hot chocolate.
Kids who played nicely together - some of the day.
Friends.
Family.
Derek.
Date nights.
Great books.
Christmas shopping almost done!

Isn't Thanksgiving the PERFECT way to get Christmas underway?!

Howell-oween 2009

2009-11-05T14:56:00.000-08:00

I like Halloween less every year. It's about a 4 out of 10 this year. I LOVE pumpkins and cute costumes and even the candy. But I don't love spooky or scary or gruesome and there is more of that every year. There is a house in the neighborhood with all the yucky violent decorations you can imagine and my sweet Ellie is afraid to check the mail or walk home from the bus stop on that side of the street. When did Halloween turn into a walking horror flick? Ick.

On THAT happy note :) .... here's my best Halloween moment:

Carver wanted to stay home and pass out candy with me after our church "trunk-or-treat." I was skeptical since he has a hard time when I gave away zucchini last summer and he doesn't even LIKE zuccini. He must think of Halloween as an exception.

He stood on our porch and yelled, hands cupped around his mouth, in his costume and socks:

COME PEOPLE!!
Come to my house!
Lots of candy!
Trick or treating!

I laughed and laughed and couldn't get it on video. It was the funniest thing ever. AND he loved handing out the candy, too. What a breakthrough!

Carver ASKED to be a ghost! He thought of it himself, asked for it and that was that. Another cool milestone.

Then Grace wanted to be whatever Carver was. For awhile it was going to be a "princess ghost," but in the end we were lucky she wore the ghost sheet as much as she did. She was a serious grump that whole week.

Lydia wanted to be a witch this year.

So you guessed it - Ellie did, too. :)

And continuing with the theme. Here's Ellie in her halloween T-shirt, posing as she always does.

And Carver copied her! TOO funny.

So that's that. One holiday down, 3 more to go this year. Stay tuned to see if I get around to adding a funny video of pumpking carving... Don't hold your breath, though. :)

Carver's happy day!

2009-11-01T17:15:00.000-08:00

Carver's 4th birthday started with a sprinkled donut.

Grandpa & Grandma Eucker and Auntie Lyssa came that morning, too. Carver got to ride in Grandpa's "silver car" to go get ice cream for his party. It is really Grandma's car, but Carver's world is pretty much Grandpa-centric these days. He LOVES that car. Nevermind our super cool van is silver, too. Clearly it's not the same as a silver Acura - even in the mind of a 4 year old. Grandpa pushed Carver on the swings and played with him, too. My dad is a saint. Really and truly!

Carver wanted cupcakes for his birthday - darn! I don't care much for cake myself and I'm always trying to offer more tasty choices. Apple turnovers anyone? Pie? Giant cookies or brownies? Not for this boy. Just a classic cupcake for him.

Carver had FRIENDS come to a little party at our house - just 1 hour, with lunch and cupcakes.... how hard could that be? Let's just say I overestimate myself sometimes. It's a REALLY good thing my parents came to help! All the kids were super well behaved, but they just flew through our little painting craft and bean bag toss. We had to throw in a few classic stand-bys... Duck, Duck Goose - London Bridges - Musical Pillows. And the kids had a great time. They ate their pizza and their cupcakes and Carver had a great time. Whew! Success.

We had sweet-n-sour meatballs, rice and rolls for dinner. One of Carver's favorites. And more cupcakes - what else? What a happy day for our little boy. The best part was when he'd climbed in my bed in the morning and said, "Carver's birthday? Almost?" YES! It's finally here, bud. The girls climbed in bed, too, and sang happy birthday to him, too. We sure love Carveroni!

My Birthday (aka "An October Family Holiday")

2009-10-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: Derek despises all these pictures of himself and requests that I make it clear that any and all goofy faces were intended as a joke. He does not actually consider himself GQ when we eat out as a family.

I love my birthday, even if was the big 3-0 this year. Because it's a family holiday around here! We play all day and the kids look forward to it as much as I do. This year we had a 9 am soccer game to kick things off, followed by a fabulous birthday run with Derek on the trails behind our house. It was so refreshing to run outside, talk together and feel strong on my birthday. It was the best part of the day, hands down. Somehow the endorphins from the run overshadowed my normal mother thoughts because we forgot to give the kids lunch. Oops! That's important because it contributes to the rest of the afternoon.

Early afternoon we headed up to my favorite pumpkin patch near our old stomping grounds up in the more affluent Eastside. Wowee. It was CROWDED and I'll tell you, what - one of these Dodge Grand Caravans just didn't belong in the sea of European vehicles. But that's okay. We can pay for overpriced pumpkins with the best of them.

But it was cold and windy and our kids were starving (from that skipped meal - oops again). So first off, I tried to buy overpriced chips. The line was so slow, the card machine was broken, I gave up and we had to wait. We did the hay maze upstairs, which was more fun in years past without a dozen adults clogging the entrance and at least that many little people clogging the maze. Then we got our turn on the hayride out to the pumpkins.

It was pulled by a tractor and soon enough, we joined the crowds in the trampled field. Somehow I hadn't remembered so many PEOPLE last time. It really loses it's charm when it has the same feel as a long line at Wal-mart. Well, not Wal-mart exactly. More like Trader Joe's or REI with this crowd. But imagine an interminable line at Wal-mart in one of those stores. Just one shot of all the people, but what a beautiful day! No wonder everyone wanted to be at the pumpkin patch.

Anyway, we found a couple pumpkins.

(Lydia took this one for us!)

We weighed the bumpy lumpy orange prizes and I finally bought the overpriced chips we'd been hoping for. They were stale, probably from being on that shelf in the barn for several years. But stale chips are better than no chips on a day like this. The only other food choices were organic veggies in a very raw state and ice cream bars, which would've been insanity. I doled out chips, Derek went for the van and the kids played on the old tractors. It would've been more fun if they weren't cold and hungry and tired at this point.

All this pumpkin patch fun made us good and ready for dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. Yum!

After recharging with a tasty meal at a favorite place, we headed to the mall where the child torture could resume. It was a frustrating attempt to find new jeans. Derek sat on the benches outside each store so I could zip in with only one in a stroller at a time. I was as frazzled as anyone by the end, though, since I left pretty much empty handed. Such a disappointment. We barely made it home without kids falling asleep in the car to eat my Baskin Robbins ice cream for a treat. Whew! What a long day. Happy birthday to me! One year older and wiser, too. Because next year I won't forget to feed the monkeys before taking them on a the birthday marathon.

Running

2009-10-12T20:41:00.000-07:00

The kids are finally in bed, I'm aching for my fleece pjs, some fiction and my side of the bed. I don't want to run tonight. It sounds terrible, sweaty and exhausting after a long Mommy day. And then I'd need to shower and I hate going to bed with wet hair. Still, I cave to Derek's offer to let me run first tonight. I was hoping to procrastinate. Grumbling, I find my clothes and shoes and remind myself that my evenings are packed this week, it'll be days before I even have the option to run again. Step after endless step on the treadmill, I wonder (for the millionth time) about the brand of drywall printed on the garage wall. I study the cup hooks and extension cords hung there. I look at my 30 mile goal for the month, 30 miles for every year I've been alive. It's more than half filled. I thank the treadmill for not stopping, curse it for never slowing down. Running is a terrible thing. Sometimes it takes nearly 2 miles for me to get over the fact that I'm out of breath and sweating and that's OKAY! In fact, I'm pretty sure that's the point. I remind myself that I don't hurt. My side ache is gone, my lungs are filling easily with air, my legs are only tired - not in pain. There is no reason to stop. I look at the 30 mile chart and push myself to go beyond what I've done before. I remember how wonderful it feels to run long and hard, to find that perfect moment when exhaustion changes to exhilaration. Tonight I'm going for faster than I've run before, not longer. I'm my own worst competition, never satisfied. I wish I could run to General Conference talks, books on tape, quiet meditative music. But I depend on a strong beat, turning up the volume to overpower the thoughts of stopping, the doubt that I can do something so hard. I think of Derek, running beside me on Saturday on my glorious birthday girl run. He told me I was strong and I believed him then, I should believe it now. I think of my heart, pumping stronger with every step. I try not to look at the time, the distance I've come and calculate how slowly the time is passing. Because the whole point is that I'm doing it, not with grace or speed or records, but with determination. I think I might even learn to like running someday.

30 reasons that I'm still YOUNG

2009-09-29T13:39:00.000-07:00

1. I don't have a cell phone yet

2. My hair is still long, often in a pony tail

3. I regularly hit snooze on my alarm without even waking up

4. I eat cookies for breakfast

5. I love young adult fiction

6. My bed is often unmade

7. Birthdays are still exciting

8. I have a great flip flop tan

9. I still wonder what I'll be when I grow up

10. I beg for candy at the register

11. My pants are frayed at the hem

12. I love going to the pumpkin patch

13. I'm told that I look too young to have 4 kids

14. I love low rise jeans

15. School supplies get me all excited

16. I like the Barbie movies,
especially 12 Dancing Princesses and the Princess and the Pauper

17. Chocolate milk is my favorite lunchtime beverage

18. I can't sleep on Christmas Eve

19. People still call us a "young family"

20. I don't use wrinkle cream

21. I'd rather not wear nylons if I can help it

22. Sometimes I still think "it's not fair!"

23. I'm still taller & run faster than all my kids

24. I still don't know what the heck I'm doing as a parent

25. My high school years aren't "retro" yet

26. I love the beach

27. I'm afraid of the dark

28. I get to hang out with 16-17 year olds at church now

29. I'm definitely not as OLD as Derek... :)

30. I'm still in my TWENTIES... at least for 1o more days.

Dang, that was a hard list to come up with. On the other hand, listing all the reasons I feel OLD.... that would be EASY! But that wouldn't help me deal with my big 3-0 next week, now would it?

HUGE zucchini

2009-09-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

Carver had to hold the HUGE zucchini.

aww... kisses for the huge zucchini

Obviously, I've neglected my vegetables this year.
Zucchini bread anyone?

Hurray for PRESCHOOL!

2009-09-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day!!
I won't lie. I love the break that preschool provides.
It helps me be a better mom when I don't have to do it 24/7.
I had a tiny sad feeling when the bus pulled away and
I was standing in the driveway all alone (Grace was napping),
but otherwise -
hip, hip, hurray!
More details on the BIG day on Carver's blog, but here's a peek.

We waited FOREVER for that bus to come...

IT CAME!!

(only 40 minutes late)

Good-bye, sweet boy. I love you. Here's to a great year!

Mom School 2009-2010

2009-09-02T22:10:00.000-07:00

I'm on a blogging roll. I just can't help myself.

Today I was thinking about how I need school, too -
goals and deadlines and a balanced diet of education.

Here's what I came up with:

2009-2010 Mom Curriculum

History:
Read Team of Rivals: the Political Genuis of Abraham Lincoln
by Doris Kearns Goodwin

P.E.
exercise 3 times a week

Child Development:
Potty train someone, ANYONE!

Religion:
Really STUDY the scriptures every day. Not just read.

Finance:
Budgeting 101: weekly reports

Creative Writing:
Write a story for the girls

Chemistry:
Challah, artisan breads

this is the general idea - a classic version. It's a Jewish celebration bread.

But here's the Martha Stewart apple challah I'm dying to try (Living, Sept 09, last page).

Science has never been my strong point, so baking will have to do. That counts, right?

Back to School

2009-09-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

Despite my resistance, the sunshine of summer is over and the structure of school has begun.

And I can't help but be excited! It helps that Monday's errands were terribly whiny. :)

Ellie in June, July and August: "when is September?"

Ellie for the last 3 weeks: "how many more DAYS?"

This morning: "can we go yet?"

Watching the clock this morning at 8:10, waiting for it to be 8:40
of course, Grace wanted to watch the clock, too.

And then FINALLY....

pictures in her new skirt and the shoes she bought with her own money
(We have a future diva on our hands. She uses her allowance on clothes a LOT!)

Lydia's excited, too, in her own way. She doesn't LOVE school in the same way Ellie does.
But she's ready to go back and see friends. It's an exciting day, no doubt about it.

Best of friends. Lydia promised to help Ellie find her classroom.
They were excited to sit together on the bus this year.

We walked, we visited with neighbors. It must have been considered dawdling.

Because the bus came before we'd made it all the way to the corner!

Just in time! And off they go.

I mopped the floor in celebration.
Finally, I can keep it clean without kids running in and out,
tracking in GRASS and SAND and SHOES aplenty.

Too bad.

Ode to Summer

2009-08-31T13:53:00.000-07:00

(If only I was in the rhyming mood this Ode could really be great...)

I had visions of a new routine with lots of character building chores and worksheets, extra piano practice and schedules. Those timers were going to be well used! We'd go to the park, maybe play at the beach and Carver would be insanely difficult. I worried about how everyone would get along, how I'd ever do anything again.

Summer has been anything but what I thought it'd be.

There has been NO routine.
No piano practicing at all, only regular chores.
No time and money practice for Ellie, no multiplication for Lydia.
No more naps for Carver.
Not much blogging for me.

Carver has done so well, learning and growing in many ways.
I've started exercising again - with an audience.
We had lots of adventures and outings that I meant to blog about.
We've SLEPT in. Sorta.
We survived a drive to Utah, lots of shorter car trips.
We saw Grandmas and Grandpas, aunts and uncles and cousins.
The floor needed to be mopped every day, but I didn't even do it once a week.
I even stopped reading in August so I'd finish my projects.
We finished lots of projects!

But the really intangible beauty was in the late afternoons, watching the kids play on the swingset and eat otter pops. The house shades the backyard in the afternoon, making it the perfect time to wear out kids before dinner. I LOVED seeing all 4 siblings interact successfully out there, digging in the sand, learning to pump on the swings and then pushing the little ones for their turn. They played pirates, snow storm and super-heroes. I loved our evening bike rides as a family, as the sun got even lower in the sky. The cool air after a hot afternoon and dinner outside, the clear skies and togetherness.

We've had so much fun together!

Alki Beach:

Eucker Reunion in Portland:

Camping at Zion's Camp:

Spokane 2 weeks ago:

Mt. Rainier over the weekend:

Each of those could've been it's own blog post, but it never happened.

In just 2 days I trade all that beautiful, glorious freedom for the routine of school. It's always felt like a major celebration to get the kids back on the bus, but this year I'm just not done yet. Sure, I'd love to run errands with fewer in tow, I'd kinda like to sew and mop the floor without kids running through my work zones. I'm looking forward to quiet afternoons once Carver starts preschool in a week. I'm thrilled for Ellie to be in 1st grade, playing on the big playground and eating her lunch at school like the big kids. Both girls are going to learn all sorts of great stuff, they are starting swimming and soccer and picking up piano lessons again. Autumn is such a great season - it feels like a new start and so full of promise.

But I'm going to miss my girls.
And I'm going to miss my little boy.
I'm not ready for backpacks and rainy days.
I'm not ready to give up summer.

Totally Two

2009-08-01T21:35:00.001-07:00

Grace is 2 tomorrow!

She is way 2 cute for her own good - I keep spoiling her!

She only eats 2 foods with any regularity - noodles and toast

She loves 2 be a princess, Cinderella is her favorite right now

Grace loves 2 say prayers...
so long as it's not her turn and she can just echo the prayer

Grace and Carver are 2 sweet friends,
sharing cookies, drinks, yum-yums, a room and sometimes even toys

Her 2 favorite things:
her yum-yum and her blankie

Her 2 most grown-up expressions, learned from her 2 big sisters:
"darn it" and "rock on"

Grace loves 2 sing, run with a funny little twist and have piggy back rides.

Grace is a sucker for a great pair of shoes:
her Dora crocs, flip flops and sparkly pink are faves,
but she'd still love to try yours on for good measure.

She's a LONG way from 2T. She still fits some of her 12-18 month clothes.

I love her 2 little hands on my cheeks to give me a kiss from her 2 lips.

Who can believe 2 whole years have passed since
this sweet little one came to our family?
at just 5 lbs. 14 oz.

She was such an easy baby and she's growing up to be a darling little girl.
She's full of spunk and sass and 100% girl.
It can't be easy to follow Carver, but she is holding her own.
Sometimes I wonder if she came when she did
so we could end our family on a good note.
Then I worry it's so we won't stop having babies... :)

Either way, we love Grace 2 pieces.
Happy 2nd Birthday!

STP 2009

2009-07-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

I love this race.

Seattle to Portland bike ride, all in one killer day.
We drive down to my parents' house to play and visit and relax
while he pedals and pedals - all day!

I love the finish line in the park in downtown Portland,
the sense of accomplishment and celebration there.
I loved marveling at:
how many calories Derek burned
that I think the DRIVE can be a little exhausting
the great variety of riders that do it in one day
how fast the actual winner must ride
that Derek gets FASTER every year!

AND that we got to the finish line less than 1 minute before he did!

Yikes. I couldn't even get my camera out of the case in time!
But it was perfect! We ate our picnic dinner and played in the water while he showered.

The girls were tentative at first, playing in the fountains and avoiding the water.
They got splashed little by little and it was all over!

At least half the fun was feeling like they were breaking some sort of rule
and getting TOTALLY SOAKED in their clothes!

Grace never got into it. She liked getting drinks with Grandpa's help, though!

And Carver was in HEAVEN. No hesitation with this kid.
I loved seeing him copy big boys and lie on the warm sidewalk
and imitate a racer who was washing his hair in the water.

I know Derek's considering the Ramrod next year instead of the STP...
but can it possibly be as much fun?!

Utah or bust

2009-07-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

I shoulda taken pictures of the van. The goldfish crumbified, juice box sticky, full of kid junk to keep them happy 2 days family vehicle.

Ew. Gross.

But we made it there and back in...well, 6 pieces. Since we started out as 6 pieces, after all. And we had so much fun. So much fun I had to cry and cry my way out of Orem. Vacations like that make me realize that what I really want is NOT to have to be on vacation to hang out with Derek's side of the family. The perfect moments at the park up the canyon, goofing around on BYU campus and playing at Westmore park made me want to pick up a part-time job recruiting Craig to Amazon and Steve to UW. Sigh. Maybe never.

In random order, here's some highlights of our trip:

Derek and I poking fun at wedding pictures...

Auntie Hailey with Ellie, Katie, Jack and Lydia

Grace ate her weight in pizza that night. At least 2 HUGE slices.
She didn't have to eat the rest of the week.

We met our friends, the Prestons, at the park.
Grace didn't want to be in the group shot apparently.

Ellie and Katie showing us their best grumpy faces...
I'd say that they come naturally, but that might not be nice of me so you didn't hear it from me.

Amy and Jack pickin' leaves at BYU.

The fam at the Oqquirh open house - one of the highlights of the trip:
it's GORGEOUS and it was so incredibly cool to show our kids the inside of a Temple.

The whole Howell clan on top of the Conference Center.

Lydia learning to do the monkey bars for the FIRST time.
Her cousin Katie IS a monkey and a very good example!!

Katie's brother, Taylor, is a monkey, too.

Carver peeking at me behind the Tree of Life:

Caution - severe brainwashing at work with these three girlies:

Carver was as in love with cousin Sophie as we were.
"hold it?" he said.

And hold her he did!

Derek was being attacked by mini-cougars.

Derek's cousins were SO COOL. I swear just yesterday they were little kids, but now they are all grown-up, beautiful (or handsome, as the case may be), super fun to talk to AND they played with our kids. I'm adopting all of them. Here's Metta with Grace:

And Jana with Carver:

Ellie had a birthday there. She didn't want her picture taken EVER. What a stinker.
This picture says it all. We went to Thanksgiving Point's super cool dinosaur museum for a family party.

The whole Howell family on the 4th of July in our reunion T-shirts:

WHEW! No wonder I keep putting off posting about Utah!
This took FOREVER and didn't even cover the half of it.
You are some kind of true friend if you actually read the whole thing.

Dance Recital

2009-07-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

Even BEFORE Lydia's baptism was Ellie's dance recital. Here's a few pictures of her in her full get-up. I wish they'd chosen a different color, but Ellie was happy and that's what matters. And can I just say that she has a LOT of hair, long thick wonderful hair that takes FOREVER to put into ringlets. And guess what? No one else in her class was as OCD as I was about ringlets. Oh, well. In the end I actually only curled about 1/3 of it and wrapped the rest of it around her pony tail. So sneaky, huh?! Saved me a full hour of curling, I bet.

Dress Rehearsal:

Her class was DARLING. Really, I was super impressed. They knew the dance, it was really well choreographed and age appropriate in every way. But the dance recital was another story. Even Lydia kept looking away, knowing somehow that it wasn't right to dance like some of the other classes. Cages for 10 year olds? Seriously? And some of those Mamma Mia songs are way too provocative for little girls! Anyway, we loved her teacher but might find a different studio in the future. Yikes. Here's Ellie with her flowers from that night. I was SO proud of her, I coulda cried watching her perform so well up on stage. She felt so pleased with herself and the beautiful fact that she is the first in our family to be in a dance recital. Any little first really matters when you're #2 in a family!

baptized

2009-07-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

On June 27th, Lydia was baptized a member of

the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

What a beautiful day it was!
She was SO excited and so were we.
Grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins came.
Her dad baptized her and she knew she'd chosen the right.
She wore a pretty white dress afterward to symbolize her sins being washed away.

P.S. I am really behind. Here's to catching up!

The Last and the First

2009-06-19T16:56:00.001-07:00

Today we temporarily hung up these:

we recited this (taken and adapted from my clever friend, Jill):

"I, (state your name), hereby promise to do my part to
help my family have a fun summer.
I will treat my siblings like I treat my friends
and will not touch them unless it is a hug or a high 5.
I will be nice to my mother so she can let me do really cool things.
I promise to go to bed nicely because I will wear myself out playing all day.
I will be kind and honest, so help me.

and then the girls got these:

The chalk is self-explanatory, but kitchen timers?
What's that about, Rachael?
The girls were pretty confused at first, too.
But I had an AHA moment this week when I realized how
PERFECT a gift these timers will be for questions like:

How many circles can I color in on my Summer Reading Chart?

How long do I have to play with Carver?

When are going to go?

AND I am switching piano practicing to be by the minute
rather than by how many times they play each piece.
(They might not think that one is quite as much fun.)

A couple weeks ago, I dreaded this LAST day and it's simultaneous FIRST day.
But now that it's here, I think it'll be okay.
I'm excited to have slower mornings and late afternoons at the park.
I can't wait to do projects with the girls and read books,
eat popsicles, go to the beach, take a million pictures,
visit with family far and near and maybe, if we're really lucky...
enjoy a little sunshine.